Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Marriage Tip #4: Go out Together

The best thing in our marriage and relationship is the fact that we still have maintained the important friendships that we had before we got married.  It is kind of sad to me when people start dating someone and then they disappear.  Then if the relationship doesn't work out they show back up and tell you how much they have missed you.  You think to yourself, "I've been here... where were you?"

I never wanted and never have done this.  I am a social person and am grateful my husband and I have the same friends and enjoy spending time doing the same things.  I think one thing that helps a marriage is if you have the same interest and views.  You spend so much time together it is nice when you like doing the same things.


Definitely have a date night once a week.  Then do a special date night every once in a while.  This weekend we want to do something fun and different.  We might go on a dinner train ride through Chattanooga. Or maybe go to the comedy club.  We love comedy clubs.  Anything to laugh is always fun.  There are so many things you can do to change up the date night, get creative.  You also don't need to spend a lot of money.  You can make a gourmet dinner, try something out of a cookbook. But when it comes down to it, just make time to be together, alone.

Marriage Tip # 3: What am I?

You spend years developing your __________.

Your __________ determines how you will react to difficult situations.

People will or will not respect you based on your __________.

Good ________ will help your marriage by building trust.

__________ is founded upon the idea of who you are when no one is looking.

___________ is ultimately between you and God.

A lot of things make up great ___________: high morals, dependability, honesty, keeping your word, respect for others and yourself, reverence for God.

Tender hearted love, sacrificial love, and tough love are part of good __________.

Finish what you started, there is no room for quiting if you are working on your __________.

People with strong ___________ continue to do the right thing when the wrong thing may be easier and no one would know either way.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.  Watch your words, they become your actiones. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your CHARACTER.

Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Marriage Tip #1 “Be a Team”

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I am going to start a series of blog post on Marriage Tips.  Kyle and I have been married about 2 and a half years and I feel in my heart that we couldn’t be happier.  We have settled into our marriage and I thought I would share some things I think have really helped us get off to the right start.

To kick off the series I wanted to write about something I think is so important in our marriage.  We do everything with a team mentality.  We work together to accomplish our goals.  We help each other.  We are not afraid to roll up our sleeves to help the other person.

For example, we clean the house together.  We split up the things that need to be done and we do them separately to get the whole house done.  We do dishes together, laundry, we make dinner together, we shop together, and we work out together.  You probably realize that I am so lucky to have a husband who helps out around the house, and I realize this too.  I know how rare and special my husband is!!

Of course, there are times when we do things separately and just help the other person out if they are doing something else.  But that is kind of the point, we work together to get things done.  I feel like doing things this way relieves the other person of the entire burden and foster a healthy marriage where both people value the other ones time.

So marriage tip one is help each other out and be a team working together to accomplish your goals.  Helping each other out equals love, selflessly putting the other person ahead of you.

Show Love through your actions: Acts of Service

Trust Me, Ye of Little Faith

Sometimes it's hard to find good relevant things to write about.  Luckily for me, I go to a church with an abundance of insightful, relevant, and meaningful messages.  This blog post is dedicated to those people who are so busy trying to be everywhere with everyone they may be missing out on things that are really important.  They are probably even too busy to read this post, so sorry if I am just preaching to the choir.

Andy Stanley is the lead pastor and founder of the second largest church, a group of churches under the Northpoint Ministry Community Church. He has said in the past when you are asked to do something and you really need to be spending time on something that has everlasting importance, just tell them "You are doing a Great Work and you can't come."  That has stuck with me.  Which leads to his current series entitled, "Breathing Room."  For the full message go to the church website here: http://www.northpoint.org/   

God says to us, I want to provide for you but I want you to trust me first. Our Heavenly Father knows what you need before you even ask for it. What if, you really believed that your heavenly father knew your limits?  Then, he made it possible for you to suffice on less than what you think you need, but just enough of what you actually need?

The problem with our culture's current mentality is: we try to do everything, with everyone, all the time and we get maxed out.  For example, you have time and money limits. So, don't let this culture or fear drive you to try to do too much. You will not enjoy life because you will be stressing because you don’t have any margin.

People try to do too much because of fear...

The Fear of Missing out
The Fear of Not Mattering
The Fear of Not Making a Difference

God warns us to have margin in our lives.  Don't waste all your time on meaningless stuff because you are afraid.  Be unafraid to make certain people and certain events a priority and cut out the things that you can do without.  Do less but be more focused and purposeful.  My personal motto has been for about the last year, "Work Smarter, Not Harder."  Maybe it is because my husband works for UPS or maybe because with my busy job I have learned to be really efficient and wise with my time and how I use it.

So God's people asked, 'If we don't do all the work we can do, you will multiply the work we did do?'  It's the curious idea of leaving something on the table.  “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:31, 33 NIV)

The funny thing about not having enough time for something is: when things fall apart, you mysteriously find the hours to try to fix what is now broken. For example, you can spend time “saving your marriage” after you get so busy and neglect it doing things that don't matter. Or you can spend time on the front end investing in your marriage by putting your spouse and children first. I know what I am going to do. I know who I am going to make a priority in my life.  And, as always, I trust God because in the end I know that He knows what I need.

New Year and New Beginnings

At the beginning of every year I go into reflection and prayer about the things I did the last year and the things I want to accomplish the next year.  I think about the things that I did well and the things I can improve on in the coming year.

This year Kyle and I really worked on our marriage and perfecting "the magic", also known as communication.  Good communication has been something we really strive for all the time.  We resolve the little issues so they don't build up into bigger conflicts.  We also just show everyday that we love and respect each other. We work as a family to get things done around the house and just try to be really considerate of the other person.

One thing I am really glad we started doing this year was volunteering at our church's middle school ministry.  Transit at Watermarke Church has been such a blessing to me and Kyle.  We both each lead a middle school small group during the Sunday service that includes worship and a message then we break into our small groups.  From donuts, to fun worship music, to relevant messages for their lives it all helps create an inviting environment that the youth really look forward to every Sunday.

Of course there are things we can work on like saving money, being more neat around the house, getting to bed earlier, and exercising more.  I really try to live a life I can be proud of and leave a legacy of someone who made this world better.  I want to make a difference in the lives of people around me.  I want to give more than I take and be a loyal friend.  If you know me hopefully you can say this is true.

Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31 women

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.    She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.    She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.    She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.    She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.    She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.    She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.    “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”    Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the  Lord  is to be praised.    Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:11, 12, 17, 20, 25-27, 29-31 NIV)

Proverbs 31 does a great job showing how a woman can live a life that honors God and her husband.  She works hard and does her best to be prepared for any situation that comes along.  By working on preparing a household in advance when something does happen she will be ready.  She is willing to help the poor because she has already taken care of her own family.  First we have to take care of our own lives then we can help others.

I believe it is also the same with raising a family.  We don't have children yet but I can imagine, the best thing you can do for your children is to have a healthy marriage.  You have to invest in your spouse and in your relationship with the Lord.  When you are full and satisfied you are able to pour into other people.  When you have a good marriage your children will benefit.  Keeping God in the center of your marriage is also so important.

Lately, Kyle and I have become so much closer because we have been praying together more often.  When something comes up that we would normally stress over, we look at each other and ask God for strength and wisdom.  I constantly pray for wisdom and then strength to do what I know needs to be done.  Patience is something that I constantly need.  I always try to be really kind and it is not easy when someone is hard to love.  It is important in these situations to respond and not react.  Being a Proverbs 31 woman is something you have to work on every day.

Through Sickness and Health

A True Love will be there for you in sickness and health.  We are in Texas for Thanksgiving and we got to spend time with Kyle's family.  His Grandmother is still in the hospital and his Grandfather is there by her side every day.  They have been married almost 68 years and he has been by her side ever since.

I am so grateful that Kyle has this example of love and loyalty because I think it has prepared him for our marriage.  I am so lucky to be a part of his family because there is so much love.  Everyone is so kind to one another and everyone is so easy going.  It truly has been a relaxing trip.

It feels really good to recharge my batteries after being so busy at work and just the day to day back in Atlanta.  Being here this week has reminded me what is most important in life... Family and Love.  The kind of love that will last through the decades.  That is what I hope to have.  I know we are on our way.

I think some of the secrets I have learned from being married and seeing healthy marriages are as follows:  Be kind to one another and never say anything you can't take back.  Do things that maybe you don't want to do sometimes because you know it will make the other person happy. Communicate constantly about your finances and make sure you are always on the same page about expenses and save for a rainy day.  Give generously to God and his Kingdom because it keeps you grounded in faith.   And, always keep God at the center of your marriage!!

I Knew You Were Trouble

I'm sure everyone has that one relationship that they knew from the very beginning was going to be trouble. Taylor Swift's new CD "Red", that is going to be released October 22, has a new song called, "I Knew You Were Trouble." This song reminds me of one guy in particular that I knew from the beginning wasn't good for me. We didn't have a lot of things in common but we both loved to play soccer.

He wasn't a Christian but at the time I remember thinking I would influence him and then he would learn to love God the way I did. Christians have a term for this. It is called Missionary Dating and I do NOT recommend it. The idea is God's light will shine through you and they will become a believer. God also discourages this and that is why he calls us to be with a man who can lead us closer to him. My life has always been on fire for God and he was throwing water, so to speak, on my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

There is a bright side to this story...

 Through this relationship, as with others I have been in, it taught me what I did and did not want in a man. It helped me see the type of man God desperately wanted for me. I had known my future-husband for over a year and a half and after that other relationship I saw him in a whole new way. I was able to appreciate him for the incredible man is was and continues to be every day. I fell in love with Kyle and now I know it was all meant to be.

Kyle is a strong Christian, he is compassionate, brilliant, and dashing. He is everything I always wanted. Like the other relationship I knew from the very beginning how it was going to be, except this time I knew it was also what God wanted for me!! I am so grateful that Kyle and I are together and give thanks to God every day for blessing both of us by bringing us together. Through our relationship we are able to give glory to God. Marriage is now our ministry, and together we will shine God's light.

Fighting for her Life

I haven't known too many people that were in intensive care and do not know any that have been there for about four months... I am inspired and awed that Kyle's Grandmother Una has been fighting for her her life for 6 months now.  It seems like she is getting better from prayers because she hasn't had very good care.  I was talking to Kyle's Grandad today and he said she can feel the prayers and is finally improving.  The recovery has been slow but she is a fighter and has a great support system of people who would do anything for her.

Grandma Una and Grandad have three amazing daughters, and he said that they are all very strong willed [stubborn] women.  In a case like this when she desperately wants to live, it has turned out to be a very, very, good thing to be.  He tells me every time he sees her she begs him to take her home.  At first she wasn't getting out of bed and that wasn't helping the recovery.  It was hard on everyone.  Especially her husband of 60 wonderful years!!

Then he told her something I think was a great thing to tell Grandma Una in this situation. "As soon as you can walk out of here I will take you home."  So, then she asked the physical therapist to help her walk.  And today he told me that she has walked about 100 ft today, and then 75 ft.  This is huge progress.  She also had a trachea breathing tube getting oxygen and was also getting food through a tube.  Now today I heard she is eating real food and is breathing on her own.  We are all extremely proud of her!!

Grandma Una on her way to a full recovery!!

For those of you who have been praying for her recovery, it is picking up speed.  I think she is looking forward to our pending trip to see them there in Texas this Thanksgiving.  She is working towards being home by then, which will be a miracle.  We are trusting God that his will be done.  If Grandma Una has anything to do with it her persistence will keep her spirits up and she will continue to persevere!  She has a lot to live for: a husband that would do anything for her, 3 daughters that love her to pieces, and 1 grandson (my husband) who is benefiting from her legacy and loves her so much.  I think she is also waiting to have a grandchild... one day!

I choose you, EVERY time!

In August, it will be two years of being married to Kyle.  It has really flown by.  I love him more every day!!  We just really have fun together.  He is the most amazing Christian leader and someone worth following.  I would follow him anywhere and everywhere. I trust and respect him completely.  In return, he loves me completely, as I like to notice, how Christ loves us.  This is the key to our marriage and I believe any healthy marriage.  In marriage it seems you either grow together or unfortunately, you grow apart.  Growing together is what we will constantly strive for throughout our marriage.  It takes joyful work, patience, and tons of grace!  Sometime you have to, consciously, choose to love your spouse.

I really don’t know how I could ever live without him.  He is my everything. I tell him almost every day, “You know, if I had to pick one thing to have in this world… I choose you, EVERY time!!”  I also tell him that he is “my favorite, anything.”  He is my best friend, and the love of my life.  It is kind of funny to think about but, when I was single, I never really could imagine or expected to ever find someone like him or think about loving someone so much.  He is kind of easy to get along with which helps.  We were also older when we started dating so we were mature.  You have to be satisfied in your relationship with yourself and the Lord or there will be a void in your heart. Then, you try to fill that void with someone else.    

To quote part of my favorite poem by St. Anthony of Padua, “Be Satisfied in Me” he wrote:

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone…”

When I was single, I had this poem taped behind my bedroom door and I read it almost every day.  It helped me focus on my relationship with myself and the Lord.  I really can’t stress that enough, how important it is to be a “complete person” before you are serious about adding that special person to your life.  My recommendation to those being patient in God’s plan for your life is to enjoy every season.  Then when you are ready and the person God has for you is ready, God will unite you together.  Timing is everything. 

Unanswered prayers

I was just praying about the things I thought I wanted in life and the things I love now that I have them.  When I was little I made a list: 1-20 about the characteristics I wanted in a husband.  (I wonder how many people have a list?!?)  Standards.  When it all comes down to it, I realize that there may be things that you think you want but some times you don't know what you need.  This is where God intervenes.  God knows not only what we really want but he gives us what we really need!!  He sees us through and lets us figure things out on our own but in the end we get what He knows will make us happy. 

Life is a quest on the pursuit of happiness, as I went into yesterday, it is a journey.  I am so grateful that I didn't have certain prayers answered because I wouldn't want my life to be any different.  My life is exactly how it should be.  I am so blessed that God has a perfect plan for me.  He has looked out for me throughout the years.  I went through some very difficult seasons but those experiences made me stronger and prepared for the things in my life now.  This song just about sums it up!!

"Unanswered Prayers"
     Garth Brooks

Just the other night a hometown football game
My wife and I ran into my old high school flame
And as I introduced them the past came back to me
And I couldn't help but think of the way things used to be

She was the one that I'd wanted for all times
And each night I'd spend prayin' that God would make her mine
And if he'd only grant me this wish I wished back then
I'd never ask for anything again

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers
Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he doesn't answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

She wasn't quite the angel that I remembered in my dreams
And I could tell that time had changed me
In her eyes too it seemed
We tried to talk about the old days
There wasn't much we could recall
I guess the Lord knows what he's doin' after all

And as she walked away and I looked at my wife
And then and there I thanked the good Lord
For the gifts in my life

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you're talkin' to the man upstairs
That just because he may not answer doesn't mean he don't care
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered

Some of God's greatest gifts are all too often unanswered...
Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers


 

Your Whole World

I love this idea.  I may be just one person to the world, but to one person I might be there whole world.  I live to do life with people, to have people in my life I can count on to be there for me when I need them.  I want to be that friend to someone as well.  I live to love and embrace the challenge to love those who are difficult to love.   The love of one person can change everything.  I know my husband's love has changed my world.  I can't imagine a world without love in it!  That is not a place I would want to be. 

God is love and if you feel that you are all alone, just remember God is love and to Him you are His whole world!!  He is desperate for you and to be there for you.  You have to accept Him into your heart, though.  He won't barge in unannounced.  He will wait for you.  He has to be personally invited into your life.  He doesn't just want to be there when you need something: money, good favor on a big project or event.  He wants to be included in everything.  He wants to be in constant conversation with you and included in the decision making process of your day to day life. 

This is mutual love: confiding in someone about your plans and doing life together.  God wants to do life with you.  He wants to be there for you in good times and bad.  I know one big thing that helps my relationship with my husband is we share our faith in God and he is always in the center of our relationship and he dictates our choices that we make together.  We honor each other to honor God as our marriage is our ministry.  When we are parents one day the best thing we can do is have a healthy marriage.  Every day we work towards loving each other more and continuing to build our life together!!