Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Who do you say God is?

Sometimes images of God can be skewed from how he really is.  Throughout the Bible everyone has things to say about who "God is". I wanted to share with you some verses I found that describe God. After reading them, who do you say God is?
God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect. (2 Samuel 22:33 NLT)

For God is so wise and so mighty. Who has ever challenged him successfully? (Job 9:4 NLT)

God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right. (Psalms 7:10 NLT)

God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day. (Psalms 7:11 NLT)

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. (Psalms 46:1 NLT)

But the Lord is my fortress; my God is the mighty rock where I hide. (Psalms 94:22 NLT)

Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock. (Isaiah 26:4 NLT)

But the Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. (Daniel 9:9 NLT)

For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24 NLT)

He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. (Romans 4:21 NLT)

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, (Ephesians 2:4 NLT)

Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20 NLT)

But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 John 4:8 NLT)

For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. (1 Peter 2:19 NLT)

The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’ (Deuteronomy 33:27 NLT)

God is awesome in his sanctuary. The God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God! (Psalms 68:35 NLT)

And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. (James 1:13 NLT)

God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? (Numbers 23:19 NLT)

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. (2 Samuel 22:3 NLT)

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. (Psalms 18:2 NLT)

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. (Psalms 84:11 NLT)

Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe toward those who disobeyed, but kind to you if you continue to trust in his kindness. But if you stop trusting, you also will be cut off. (Romans 11:22 NLT)

Feel free to comment below how you think of God!

All Dogs go to Heaven

There is nothing better than coming home to a dog.  No matter how long you are gone they always seem so happy to see you.  They give you a big sniff down probably wondering where you have been.  They wake up and want to play, happy it’s morning.  They are loyal and love you.  It seems the times they tear stuff up is because they are frustrated that you are gone or ignoring them.  They usually just want your attention, they need love back.

I have always grown up with dogs.  They have become part of our family and we would do whatever we could to keep them healthy, and get whatever they need if they get sick.   Taking care of a dog definitely forms an attachment and creates a very special bond.

Recently my Aunt Nancy lost her beloved Jack and listening to her story broke my heart to hear the pain she is going through.  I love her and to hear about how Jack died so suddenly of cancer at only 10 years old just makes me sad.  It always seems harder to grieve the loss because we are the ones who have to go on living.  The one who has passed away is in paradise but we will miss them and no matter how long they were with us, it just never seems like enough time.

I imagine Jack is in Heaven getting a big belly rub from Jesus and is no longer in pain.  I pray for Aunt Nancy and Eddy that they remember Jack and the pain of the loss doesn’t hurt as much.  It also is so encouraging to hear Aunt Nancy and her strong faith in God and how she simply says, “God is still good.”  She reminded me that God saves every tear and when we are hurting he is hurting with us.  He mourns when we mourn.  He cries with us and his heart breaks with ours.  We love you Jack, R.I.P.

Marriage Tip #4: Go out Together

The best thing in our marriage and relationship is the fact that we still have maintained the important friendships that we had before we got married.  It is kind of sad to me when people start dating someone and then they disappear.  Then if the relationship doesn't work out they show back up and tell you how much they have missed you.  You think to yourself, "I've been here... where were you?"

I never wanted and never have done this.  I am a social person and am grateful my husband and I have the same friends and enjoy spending time doing the same things.  I think one thing that helps a marriage is if you have the same interest and views.  You spend so much time together it is nice when you like doing the same things.


Definitely have a date night once a week.  Then do a special date night every once in a while.  This weekend we want to do something fun and different.  We might go on a dinner train ride through Chattanooga. Or maybe go to the comedy club.  We love comedy clubs.  Anything to laugh is always fun.  There are so many things you can do to change up the date night, get creative.  You also don't need to spend a lot of money.  You can make a gourmet dinner, try something out of a cookbook. But when it comes down to it, just make time to be together, alone.

Marriage Tip # 3: What am I?

You spend years developing your __________.

Your __________ determines how you will react to difficult situations.

People will or will not respect you based on your __________.

Good ________ will help your marriage by building trust.

__________ is founded upon the idea of who you are when no one is looking.

___________ is ultimately between you and God.

A lot of things make up great ___________: high morals, dependability, honesty, keeping your word, respect for others and yourself, reverence for God.

Tender hearted love, sacrificial love, and tough love are part of good __________.

Finish what you started, there is no room for quiting if you are working on your __________.

People with strong ___________ continue to do the right thing when the wrong thing may be easier and no one would know either way.

Watch your thoughts, they become your words.  Watch your words, they become your actiones. Watch your actions, they become your habits. Watch your habits, they become your CHARACTER.

Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Marriage Tip #1 “Be a Team”

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I am going to start a series of blog post on Marriage Tips.  Kyle and I have been married about 2 and a half years and I feel in my heart that we couldn’t be happier.  We have settled into our marriage and I thought I would share some things I think have really helped us get off to the right start.

To kick off the series I wanted to write about something I think is so important in our marriage.  We do everything with a team mentality.  We work together to accomplish our goals.  We help each other.  We are not afraid to roll up our sleeves to help the other person.

For example, we clean the house together.  We split up the things that need to be done and we do them separately to get the whole house done.  We do dishes together, laundry, we make dinner together, we shop together, and we work out together.  You probably realize that I am so lucky to have a husband who helps out around the house, and I realize this too.  I know how rare and special my husband is!!

Of course, there are times when we do things separately and just help the other person out if they are doing something else.  But that is kind of the point, we work together to get things done.  I feel like doing things this way relieves the other person of the entire burden and foster a healthy marriage where both people value the other ones time.

So marriage tip one is help each other out and be a team working together to accomplish your goals.  Helping each other out equals love, selflessly putting the other person ahead of you.

Show Love through your actions: Acts of Service

Consistency

Our married small group is doing a study on the book “Who You are When no One is Looking” by Bill Hybels.  We just started it but I definitely recommend it! The book is discussing character and one of the virtues is discipline.  We were talking about other parts to character and we mentioned consistency.  Discipline and consistency go hand in hand.  It is really hard sometimes to be discipline with consistency.

For example, I am trying to go to the gym 6 days a week and waking up and finding the motivation to go when I am tired and sore has been a challenge.  I feel like just getting to the gym is more than half the battle.  Once you get there things get easier because the atmosphere is encouraging because you see everyone else working out.

If I didn’t go to the gym and just tried to work out at my house I think I would be even less motivated to work out. Getting enough sleep is also really important.  My body definitely needs more rest since I am working out more.  I also have been really hungry since I am burning more calories and need more fuel.

Kyle has been really helpful by being supportive of my new routine. Sometimes you need a little push to be discipline and having an accountability partner helps.  I definitely recommend reaching out to someone who you trust to be able to speak into your life when you are trying to be more consistent and discipline in an area of your life.

So whatever your New Year’s resolution is, I would just encourage you to keep with it.  It gets easier with consistency and discipline

Good Enough

I have been training for a race called the Tough Mudder and have been going to the gym before work. I feel like I am in good shape but I don’t think I am in good enough shape yet for the race. What I have realize about the gym, finances and every other area of your life is: you will never be as good as you want to be or where you strive to be.  At the gym there is probably always going to be someone who is in better shape than you or better at something than you are.  In life, there is always going to be someone with more money than you or more stuff than you or a better job than you.

You may never feel like you can measure up to expectations.

So what does this mean?  Should we get down or depressed or discouraged?

Heck no! You can live the best possible life and be grateful for the things you do have.

Be Inspired.
Dream BiG.
Strive for Excellence.
Be determined to be better than you were before.
Don’t give up and work towards your goals with vigor.
Help someone in need.
Volunteer to make a difference in the community and people around you.
Be the kind of friend you would want.
Have personal respect and take responsibility in your actions.
Be the bigger person and forgive.
Be wise with your money and give to charity.
Take care of your body as it is a temple.
Appreciate your blessings and give thanks to God.
And most importantly enjoy life and loved ones along the way.

One of my personal mottos is also from our Declaration of Independence, “You have the right to pursue Happiness.”  Life is a journey and you will never be “there”. So enjoy the moment and the things you accomplish along the way.

Trust Me, Ye of Little Faith

Sometimes it's hard to find good relevant things to write about.  Luckily for me, I go to a church with an abundance of insightful, relevant, and meaningful messages.  This blog post is dedicated to those people who are so busy trying to be everywhere with everyone they may be missing out on things that are really important.  They are probably even too busy to read this post, so sorry if I am just preaching to the choir.

Andy Stanley is the lead pastor and founder of the second largest church, a group of churches under the Northpoint Ministry Community Church. He has said in the past when you are asked to do something and you really need to be spending time on something that has everlasting importance, just tell them "You are doing a Great Work and you can't come."  That has stuck with me.  Which leads to his current series entitled, "Breathing Room."  For the full message go to the church website here: http://www.northpoint.org/   

God says to us, I want to provide for you but I want you to trust me first. Our Heavenly Father knows what you need before you even ask for it. What if, you really believed that your heavenly father knew your limits?  Then, he made it possible for you to suffice on less than what you think you need, but just enough of what you actually need?

The problem with our culture's current mentality is: we try to do everything, with everyone, all the time and we get maxed out.  For example, you have time and money limits. So, don't let this culture or fear drive you to try to do too much. You will not enjoy life because you will be stressing because you don’t have any margin.

People try to do too much because of fear...

The Fear of Missing out
The Fear of Not Mattering
The Fear of Not Making a Difference

God warns us to have margin in our lives.  Don't waste all your time on meaningless stuff because you are afraid.  Be unafraid to make certain people and certain events a priority and cut out the things that you can do without.  Do less but be more focused and purposeful.  My personal motto has been for about the last year, "Work Smarter, Not Harder."  Maybe it is because my husband works for UPS or maybe because with my busy job I have learned to be really efficient and wise with my time and how I use it.

So God's people asked, 'If we don't do all the work we can do, you will multiply the work we did do?'  It's the curious idea of leaving something on the table.  “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:31, 33 NIV)

The funny thing about not having enough time for something is: when things fall apart, you mysteriously find the hours to try to fix what is now broken. For example, you can spend time “saving your marriage” after you get so busy and neglect it doing things that don't matter. Or you can spend time on the front end investing in your marriage by putting your spouse and children first. I know what I am going to do. I know who I am going to make a priority in my life.  And, as always, I trust God because in the end I know that He knows what I need.

New Year and New Beginnings

At the beginning of every year I go into reflection and prayer about the things I did the last year and the things I want to accomplish the next year.  I think about the things that I did well and the things I can improve on in the coming year.

This year Kyle and I really worked on our marriage and perfecting "the magic", also known as communication.  Good communication has been something we really strive for all the time.  We resolve the little issues so they don't build up into bigger conflicts.  We also just show everyday that we love and respect each other. We work as a family to get things done around the house and just try to be really considerate of the other person.

One thing I am really glad we started doing this year was volunteering at our church's middle school ministry.  Transit at Watermarke Church has been such a blessing to me and Kyle.  We both each lead a middle school small group during the Sunday service that includes worship and a message then we break into our small groups.  From donuts, to fun worship music, to relevant messages for their lives it all helps create an inviting environment that the youth really look forward to every Sunday.

Of course there are things we can work on like saving money, being more neat around the house, getting to bed earlier, and exercising more.  I really try to live a life I can be proud of and leave a legacy of someone who made this world better.  I want to make a difference in the lives of people around me.  I want to give more than I take and be a loyal friend.  If you know me hopefully you can say this is true.