Trigger Warning for miscarriages, postpartum, & infertility.
I have known many people that have had miscarriages, but that has not been part of our story... until recently. For those of you who know me and our story, having our only son was really hard for me AFTER he was born. It was really, really, really hard. It also affected our family, and it was hard for them, too.
But there are a lot of things that women don't feel comfortable talking about or sharing with most people. Miscarriages, postpartum mental health issues, and infertility are probably at the top of the list. So, a lot of times women struggle in silence. Which is a very lonely place, and that makes it worse. Somethings people struggle with when trying and having babies are:
Infertility for women (and men)
Miscarriages
Hormonal issues during pregnancy
Postpartum depression
Postpartum psychosis
Being a single mom
Not having family or friend support and even sabotage
Dealing with custody issues
But, with even this long list of possible struggles, how often do you hear people talk about them? How often do you worry about feeling ashamed or worry you might be judged if you do share? The sad thing to me is with the state of social media, cyber bullying, unwanted opinions, unsolicited advice, you are justified with keeping hard things we deal with to ourselves.
I have always wanted to change this, encourage people to share, and support one another when people need it the most. It is easy to ask for prayers when there are outwardly signs of distress or hospitalization. Crowd funding organizations like GiveSendGo are so helpful for rallying people behind a cause for people in need! Bless them for being a platform to give support through prayer and financial donations.
But how often do you see crowd funding for any of the reproduction issues above? Full transparency, I haven't seen even one. That is a problem to me. All the above require support from family and friends and there are a lot of financial resources needed. So, we feel alone, we struggle in silence, we tough it out, and deal with it the best we can.
That is why I am writing this post. That is why when I saw "2 lines" on the pregnancy test (learning I was pregnant), and even though it was so new, I told some family & friends. But then when I lost our baby, and the 2 lines went back to the "1 line" (not pregnant), I shared the sad news with the same people. But, because I had included them in our excitement, and then unfortunate loss, we got support. It was emotional support: calls, text messages, cards, visits, flowers, coffee, prayers, cake, and lots of chocolate. My parents and Kyle's parents are even buying us a tree in honor of our angel baby.
All the support helps. It doesn't take away the pain and sadness, but it does give comfort in the moment. It gives people the opportunity to pray for you and your family. They can be there for you. They can remind you of God's faithfulness and hope for a healthy baby.
I know I am VERY blessed to have a good support system, but I had to tell them. People can't be there for you if you don't include them in the journey and what you are going through when it happens. Otherwise, we feel alone. Losing a baby, at any stage, is so hard and even devastating. We shouldn't have to struggle in silence, but many people do. I hope this will change.
We named our angel baby Taylor. I am comforted to know he or she is with my late mom, grandparents, other angel babies, and pups in Heaven. I hope for a someday baby. I pray God will answer our prayer for the baby that is on our hearts and hopefully we will have one day soon.
I made some art in honor of Taylor and hopes for our someday baby. You can check out my Etsy shop here.
