Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Marriage Tip #1 “Be a Team”

In honor of Valentine’s Day, I am going to start a series of blog post on Marriage Tips.  Kyle and I have been married about 2 and a half years and I feel in my heart that we couldn’t be happier.  We have settled into our marriage and I thought I would share some things I think have really helped us get off to the right start.

To kick off the series I wanted to write about something I think is so important in our marriage.  We do everything with a team mentality.  We work together to accomplish our goals.  We help each other.  We are not afraid to roll up our sleeves to help the other person.

For example, we clean the house together.  We split up the things that need to be done and we do them separately to get the whole house done.  We do dishes together, laundry, we make dinner together, we shop together, and we work out together.  You probably realize that I am so lucky to have a husband who helps out around the house, and I realize this too.  I know how rare and special my husband is!!

Of course, there are times when we do things separately and just help the other person out if they are doing something else.  But that is kind of the point, we work together to get things done.  I feel like doing things this way relieves the other person of the entire burden and foster a healthy marriage where both people value the other ones time.

So marriage tip one is help each other out and be a team working together to accomplish your goals.  Helping each other out equals love, selflessly putting the other person ahead of you.

Show Love through your actions: Acts of Service

Good Enough

I have been training for a race called the Tough Mudder and have been going to the gym before work. I feel like I am in good shape but I don’t think I am in good enough shape yet for the race. What I have realize about the gym, finances and every other area of your life is: you will never be as good as you want to be or where you strive to be.  At the gym there is probably always going to be someone who is in better shape than you or better at something than you are.  In life, there is always going to be someone with more money than you or more stuff than you or a better job than you.

You may never feel like you can measure up to expectations.

So what does this mean?  Should we get down or depressed or discouraged?

Heck no! You can live the best possible life and be grateful for the things you do have.

Be Inspired.
Dream BiG.
Strive for Excellence.
Be determined to be better than you were before.
Don’t give up and work towards your goals with vigor.
Help someone in need.
Volunteer to make a difference in the community and people around you.
Be the kind of friend you would want.
Have personal respect and take responsibility in your actions.
Be the bigger person and forgive.
Be wise with your money and give to charity.
Take care of your body as it is a temple.
Appreciate your blessings and give thanks to God.
And most importantly enjoy life and loved ones along the way.

One of my personal mottos is also from our Declaration of Independence, “You have the right to pursue Happiness.”  Life is a journey and you will never be “there”. So enjoy the moment and the things you accomplish along the way.

Trust Me, Ye of Little Faith

Sometimes it's hard to find good relevant things to write about.  Luckily for me, I go to a church with an abundance of insightful, relevant, and meaningful messages.  This blog post is dedicated to those people who are so busy trying to be everywhere with everyone they may be missing out on things that are really important.  They are probably even too busy to read this post, so sorry if I am just preaching to the choir.

Andy Stanley is the lead pastor and founder of the second largest church, a group of churches under the Northpoint Ministry Community Church. He has said in the past when you are asked to do something and you really need to be spending time on something that has everlasting importance, just tell them "You are doing a Great Work and you can't come."  That has stuck with me.  Which leads to his current series entitled, "Breathing Room."  For the full message go to the church website here: http://www.northpoint.org/   

God says to us, I want to provide for you but I want you to trust me first. Our Heavenly Father knows what you need before you even ask for it. What if, you really believed that your heavenly father knew your limits?  Then, he made it possible for you to suffice on less than what you think you need, but just enough of what you actually need?

The problem with our culture's current mentality is: we try to do everything, with everyone, all the time and we get maxed out.  For example, you have time and money limits. So, don't let this culture or fear drive you to try to do too much. You will not enjoy life because you will be stressing because you don’t have any margin.

People try to do too much because of fear...

The Fear of Missing out
The Fear of Not Mattering
The Fear of Not Making a Difference

God warns us to have margin in our lives.  Don't waste all your time on meaningless stuff because you are afraid.  Be unafraid to make certain people and certain events a priority and cut out the things that you can do without.  Do less but be more focused and purposeful.  My personal motto has been for about the last year, "Work Smarter, Not Harder."  Maybe it is because my husband works for UPS or maybe because with my busy job I have learned to be really efficient and wise with my time and how I use it.

So God's people asked, 'If we don't do all the work we can do, you will multiply the work we did do?'  It's the curious idea of leaving something on the table.  “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:31, 33 NIV)

The funny thing about not having enough time for something is: when things fall apart, you mysteriously find the hours to try to fix what is now broken. For example, you can spend time “saving your marriage” after you get so busy and neglect it doing things that don't matter. Or you can spend time on the front end investing in your marriage by putting your spouse and children first. I know what I am going to do. I know who I am going to make a priority in my life.  And, as always, I trust God because in the end I know that He knows what I need.

New Year and New Beginnings

At the beginning of every year I go into reflection and prayer about the things I did the last year and the things I want to accomplish the next year.  I think about the things that I did well and the things I can improve on in the coming year.

This year Kyle and I really worked on our marriage and perfecting "the magic", also known as communication.  Good communication has been something we really strive for all the time.  We resolve the little issues so they don't build up into bigger conflicts.  We also just show everyday that we love and respect each other. We work as a family to get things done around the house and just try to be really considerate of the other person.

One thing I am really glad we started doing this year was volunteering at our church's middle school ministry.  Transit at Watermarke Church has been such a blessing to me and Kyle.  We both each lead a middle school small group during the Sunday service that includes worship and a message then we break into our small groups.  From donuts, to fun worship music, to relevant messages for their lives it all helps create an inviting environment that the youth really look forward to every Sunday.

Of course there are things we can work on like saving money, being more neat around the house, getting to bed earlier, and exercising more.  I really try to live a life I can be proud of and leave a legacy of someone who made this world better.  I want to make a difference in the lives of people around me.  I want to give more than I take and be a loyal friend.  If you know me hopefully you can say this is true.

Building Community

I am really happy how Kyle and I are getting involved with the church in our local community.  We have been leading a married small group and already we have gotten so close to the couples in our group.  We have invested in our small group by not only meeting once a week but doing get-togethers outside of group.  Authentic friendships are formed by doing life together and we are all there for the same reason: to become friends with like minded people.

Some of my best friends have been people that have been in my small group.  It is really cool to be the leader and able to bring people together and facilitate the group growing together.  If you are not already involved in a small group, whether it is a married, singles or men's or women's group, I would strongly encourage you to look into it.

Another thing we have been doing is leading a Transit small group.  If you are not familiar with Tranist it is our church's middle school program.  They meet when adults are in "Big Church" and they have a similar schedule.  First when they arrive before it starts they have fellowship complete with donuts!!  Then once it is time to get started they have an icebreaker or game, then they listen to worship music, then they have a message tailored to their specific stage of life, then we break into small groups.  This is where we come in, as small group leaders we have the privilege to each lead a group of boys and girls.

The middle schoolers are so excited to be there and are eager to hear God's message in a relevant way that they can relate.  Then to be around adults and high school co-leaders that care about them and want to build relationships with them, they think that is pretty cool too!  They get to hang out with kids just like them from different schools as well.  It is so much fun leading these middle schoolers and it is neat to see the things they deal with were issues I faced growing up as well.  I think leaders get just as much or more out of leading the groups as the kids do.

I am just really happy with the direction our lives are going and being apart of such great communities and having such healthy relationships.  It definitely helps our marriage and brings us closer together too.  Any time you can spend time together serving common interest is always a plus! 

How do you serve and give back to your community?!

What my Church Community Groups have Meant to Me

As a member of the Northpoint Ministries I can tell you first hand how important and influencial my Community Groups I have been in have been to me! When I first joined Buckhead church I got involved in a Community Group right away.  It was so great to meet people who were interested in growing together and developing relationships centered around the body of Christ.  Community Groups are intentional relationships and are a great way to surround yourself with people who have a common interest in the Lord.

Before joining the Community Group, I had just gotten back from college and the only people I hung out with were people that didn't share my faith.  I was not growing spiritually through these relationships and it was a change from my college experience when I had believers that were holding me accountable.  The leader in my first small group quickly became one of my best friends and it was so great to have someone in my life who was genuinely interested in my spiritual walk and committed to being there for me as I became closer to the Lord.  The other girls in the group were also pivotal as I decided to take the next step in my faith.  On September 28, 2008 I was baptized and it was such a powerful experience to declare publicly that Jesus Christ was my Lord and Savior.  (The video on the BIG screen wasn't as scary as I first thought it would be.)

The group multiplied and the next two groups were just as influential and I also expanded my group of friends that I walked with in my spiritual journey.  The girls I met and did life with all became some of my best friends and it is amazing how God uses these relationships to bring people together for his glory.  The groups helped me become a better person and in addition to Andy's messages I became the Christian woman I was designed to be.  I became prepared for marriage and invested in my relationship with myself and also with the Lord.  Becoming complete and satisfied with these relationships, I didn't need to rely on a man to fill that void.

On August 21, 2010 I married the man of my dreams and because of these groups I was ready to be united and continue to grow together with Christ in the center of our marriage.  The best thing we did for our marriage was joining a "Just Married" small group.  This unique group is designed for, you guessed it, couples that have been recently married.  With a mentor couple that has been married for more than 10 years they were able to lead us together as a couple closer to the Lord.  After that group multiplied about a year and a half of being together we joined a second married small group.

These married small groups have been pivotal in the transition from being single and then being married.  They have blessed us with new friends that are in the same stage of life and that has been so great since life is so different now than when we were single/dating.  When you get married your goals and heart move to a different place.  So as a new Group Link is coming up to join small group I would really encourage you to consider taking the next step and joining a small group.  This as an investment in your walk with Christ and the value is remarkable.  You can learn more about Group Link here.

I'll PRAY for you

I know a lot of people who may be righteous (Have faith in the Almighty) but don't like Christians who push their beliefs on other people.  One way I kind of get around that is to be persistent and consistent in showing my faith.  The best way I know how to do this is when I see someone in need of prayers, I just simply tell them that I will pray for them.  It comes naturally to me because I was going to do it anyway so why not just let them know?  People are usually so grateful and they will know from my actions that I am a believer.  That way when they have questions or would like to know more about my faith they may know one person they can talk to about Christianity.

I think it is effective to be the body of the Church through service and my actions.  Just being a really happy person from the inner joy I get from just having the relation with my Savior and being grateful for all of my blessing.  I hope people close to me can just tell by the way I love them and how I help in their time of need.  I want people to know they can count on me to be there for them.  I want to be known for making this world a better place. By not only shining a light but shining brightly.

It's funny, I was out of town last weekend and so we missed Church on Sunday, and I had not had a chance to watch it on line.  I was in my married small group last night and we were talking about how we wanted to make a difference in the world by sharing our faith.  I brought up this concept of praying for people.  I was surprise to find out that this is exactly what Andy Stanley had talked about in his message last weekend in the Series Red letter Prayers.  For the full messages and to get caught up for this Sunday you can watch the previous messages here.

I hope you have an AMAZING weekend and thanks for continuing to support my efforts in writing and blogging.  I am well on my way to writing my book.  Please "Like" me on Facebook here. 

I choose you, EVERY time!

In August, it will be two years of being married to Kyle.  It has really flown by.  I love him more every day!!  We just really have fun together.  He is the most amazing Christian leader and someone worth following.  I would follow him anywhere and everywhere. I trust and respect him completely.  In return, he loves me completely, as I like to notice, how Christ loves us.  This is the key to our marriage and I believe any healthy marriage.  In marriage it seems you either grow together or unfortunately, you grow apart.  Growing together is what we will constantly strive for throughout our marriage.  It takes joyful work, patience, and tons of grace!  Sometime you have to, consciously, choose to love your spouse.

I really don’t know how I could ever live without him.  He is my everything. I tell him almost every day, “You know, if I had to pick one thing to have in this world… I choose you, EVERY time!!”  I also tell him that he is “my favorite, anything.”  He is my best friend, and the love of my life.  It is kind of funny to think about but, when I was single, I never really could imagine or expected to ever find someone like him or think about loving someone so much.  He is kind of easy to get along with which helps.  We were also older when we started dating so we were mature.  You have to be satisfied in your relationship with yourself and the Lord or there will be a void in your heart. Then, you try to fill that void with someone else.    

To quote part of my favorite poem by St. Anthony of Padua, “Be Satisfied in Me” he wrote:

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone…”

When I was single, I had this poem taped behind my bedroom door and I read it almost every day.  It helped me focus on my relationship with myself and the Lord.  I really can’t stress that enough, how important it is to be a “complete person” before you are serious about adding that special person to your life.  My recommendation to those being patient in God’s plan for your life is to enjoy every season.  Then when you are ready and the person God has for you is ready, God will unite you together.  Timing is everything. 

You. Just. Got. Served.

This one little phrase seems to have a pretty negative connotation lately.  It is the idea that you really slammed or put someone down.  It can seem funny if someone is joking around, but other times it may really be painful if it is a little to close to the heart. How many times a day do we hear about people that have a negative impact with their words cutting deep?

What if people thought of "serving" in a more positive way?!?!  One thing I love most in this world is giving back to my community in time and money.  Serving for me is a part of who I am and something I am really committed to doing with my free time.  I feel like I can really feel the heart beat of the church through the different areas I have assisted.

When I first served at Buckhead church it was in Wamba Land, the pre-elementary school ministry.  Here I saw first hand how the church starts to show God's love to children and teaches them how "God loves them and wants to be their friend forever."  I think it is awesome how the church simplifies the message so even a three year old can connect and understand the basic idea of Christianity.

Then I moved to volunteering in a Fusion group, the old version of Single's Gathering.  After that I started to co-lead my own Fusion groups.  It is amazing to see how God uses the get-together to make authentic friendships and then see how the relationships develop.  Dating relationships are not the goal but when God blesses a relationship that honors him, only good things come from it.  The Singles Ministry at the Northpoint Ministries has an incredible way of bringing like minded people together to honor God through friendships.

One of the coolest groups I led was the DoJustice Atlanta wide community service event.  For one day groups of singles come together and each group of about 15-20 people complete one project through hard work and dedication.  It may seem like one group may not make that big of a difference, and maybe if it was just one group it wouldn't.  But the Northpoint Ministries is a huge organization and never does something half way.  So imagine 100 groups of 20... 2,000 people serving in a day.  That kind of man power can really make a difference in the community.  One united front.  It is kind of like a Christian Army for good.  Serving people throughout the Atlanta area building relationships with your team and making a real difference.  I feel like the whole city gets a face-lift bringing a light to otherwise dark parts of this town.  By serving others we realize what makes us great... the will to put other people before us is humbling, making the Lord first.

Now I am married, and my husband and I are serving in Transit, the middle school ministry.  Middle school is a rough awkward age for so many young people.  Kids are growing, changing, and learning independence everyday.  They struggle with trying to fit in and sometimes give into peer pressure.  The goal with serving these young people is to empower them to believe in themselves and grow into young adults who truly know and love the Lord.  If we invest in them they will realize they are valuable and become confident that they can be true to themselves while maintaining their relationship with their parents and the Lord.

I believe in the power of three.  Three good influencers can make all the difference.  A parent, a teacher, and a third person supporting them.  A lot of times there will be a coach, a friend's parent or maybe a youth group leader.  In our case we are small group leaders to these girls and boys (I have a girls' small group and my husband has a boys' small group).  Just to think that we are serving these youth in the most impressionable time in their lives is already so rewarding.  It is so cool to see them open up while being authentic and real.  It's pretty cool to be able to relate to them.  The difficult things I had to deal with are still relevant issues that they go through today.

So next time you think about putting someone down, think about the difference you could make by serving them instead.  Bringing other people up by being a friend to them and putting them before yourself.  Then imagine what a group of people can accomplish if they work together to change the town for the better.

Be True to Yourself

I may not be some things but I always strive to be myself and be true to my beliefs!!  I want to be known for loving myself for who I am and never trying to be something I'm not.  Having a solid relationship with yourself and your Heavenly Father are two of the most important things we can do.  Besides feeling accepted by our peers it is essential to accept yourself, to love your imperfections and realize you are only human.  Some people try to hold themselves to impossible standards and in that case are never happy or satisfied.  I'm can't imagine worrying all the time about being perfect, which is not humanly possible.

Jesus came and died for our sins so that we may have a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Since we are not perfect we could never be right in God's eyes unless we have the grace of Jesus.  His blood made the relationship possible because he paid the price so we can have a atonement for our sins. 

God made us just the way he wanted us.  Who are we to say that we are not good enough?  God doesn't make mistakes.  When Jesus is the one strengthening us what can stop us.  I love leaning into the Almighty and knowing he is rooting for me and that he is on my side, cheering me on the whole time.  He is desperate to have a relationship with us and just loves us unconditionally. 

The Northpoint Ministries is doing a series called "Climate Change" and the big take aways is that: Acceptance is the cure for insecurity.  Our views of ourselves improves when we learn to see ourselves the way God sees us.  We are already accepted by God and that is enough.  His love is complete.  If we don't learn to accept ourselves then our insecurities will follow us through life and we will not be satisfied.  Learn to love yourself, accept, and try to see you as God sees you.  He is proud of you!!

You can watch the full message here.

Enjoy being single

I am a big proponent that it is better to be single than with the wrong person.  How much time can you “waste” if you know in your heart the relationship is not going anywhere?  There are four seasons in the year but there is no telling how many seasons you will have in your personal life.  Another way of saying this is, you will go through many different periods in your life: from growing up, to dating, single, back to dating, back to single, then possibly marriage.  In every season of your life enjoy the moment!!  I cannot stress this enough.

 In your ministry you can do more as a single person. You will have more time to serve his Kingdom, because when you are married your ministry is to your spouse and family.  There are limitations like coordinating schedules etc.  When you are single you can pick up and head overseas to serve internationally, for example.  The most important thing you can do to honor God in marriage is to love your spouse as God loves the church.  Keeping God in the center of a marriage is imperative to keeping a healthy marriage.  If you love someone you will never do anything to intentionally hurt that person.

God never promises you will be married. As much of a desire it may be in your heart, it may not be part of your story.  If it is then it will happen on God’s timing.  You really cannot force love or a great relationship. There is either the connection that is mutual that will lead to marriage or there are not those feelings.  I dated quite a few people before I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with growing old together.  I happen to realize the man of my dreams was right in front of me the whole time, but it may not happen that way for you.  There is not a cookie cut away a relationship will develop and every person is different.  I never blamed one person for what the last person did.  Always keep an open mind, until they show you otherwise.

I will say I had never dated a friend, until my husband, and I would recommend it with extreme caution.  It is a tricky situation because the first thing I wanted to do was preserve our friendship.  Love developed.  Again, it was a natural progression.  Feelings became love through a purposeful dating relationship.  Timing is always everything.  You may be madly in love with someone but they may not be ready to date or be in a relationship.  At the same time I don’t recommend putting your life on hold if they expressly deny feelings for you. 

So the moral that I hope you get from this is: be content, enjoy the moment, trust the Lord that he has your best interest at heart, and stay positive!!