Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Who do you say God is?

Sometimes images of God can be skewed from how he really is.  Throughout the Bible everyone has things to say about who "God is". I wanted to share with you some verses I found that describe God. After reading them, who do you say God is?
God is my strong fortress, and he makes my way perfect. (2 Samuel 22:33 NLT)

For God is so wise and so mighty. Who has ever challenged him successfully? (Job 9:4 NLT)

God is my shield, saving those whose hearts are true and right. (Psalms 7:10 NLT)

God is an honest judge. He is angry with the wicked every day. (Psalms 7:11 NLT)

God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. (Psalms 46:1 NLT)

But the Lord is my fortress; my God is the mighty rock where I hide. (Psalms 94:22 NLT)

Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock. (Isaiah 26:4 NLT)

But the Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him. (Daniel 9:9 NLT)

For God is Spirit, so those who worship him must worship in spirit and in truth.” (John 4:24 NLT)

He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises. (Romans 4:21 NLT)

But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much, (Ephesians 2:4 NLT)

Even if we feel guilty, God is greater than our feelings, and he knows everything. (1 John 3:20 NLT)

But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 John 4:8 NLT)

For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. (1 Peter 2:19 NLT)

The eternal God is your refuge, and his everlasting arms are under you. He drives out the enemy before you; he cries out, ‘Destroy them!’ (Deuteronomy 33:27 NLT)

God is awesome in his sanctuary. The God of Israel gives power and strength to his people. Praise be to God! (Psalms 68:35 NLT)

And remember, when you are being tempted, do not say, “God is tempting me.” God is never tempted to do wrong, and he never tempts anyone else. (James 1:13 NLT)

God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through? (Numbers 23:19 NLT)

my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. He is my refuge, my savior, the one who saves me from violence. (2 Samuel 22:3 NLT)

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. (Psalms 18:2 NLT)

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. (Psalms 84:11 NLT)

Notice how God is both kind and severe. He is severe toward those who disobeyed, but kind to you if you continue to trust in his kindness. But if you stop trusting, you also will be cut off. (Romans 11:22 NLT)

Feel free to comment below how you think of God!

All Dogs go to Heaven

There is nothing better than coming home to a dog.  No matter how long you are gone they always seem so happy to see you.  They give you a big sniff down probably wondering where you have been.  They wake up and want to play, happy it’s morning.  They are loyal and love you.  It seems the times they tear stuff up is because they are frustrated that you are gone or ignoring them.  They usually just want your attention, they need love back.

I have always grown up with dogs.  They have become part of our family and we would do whatever we could to keep them healthy, and get whatever they need if they get sick.   Taking care of a dog definitely forms an attachment and creates a very special bond.

Recently my Aunt Nancy lost her beloved Jack and listening to her story broke my heart to hear the pain she is going through.  I love her and to hear about how Jack died so suddenly of cancer at only 10 years old just makes me sad.  It always seems harder to grieve the loss because we are the ones who have to go on living.  The one who has passed away is in paradise but we will miss them and no matter how long they were with us, it just never seems like enough time.

I imagine Jack is in Heaven getting a big belly rub from Jesus and is no longer in pain.  I pray for Aunt Nancy and Eddy that they remember Jack and the pain of the loss doesn’t hurt as much.  It also is so encouraging to hear Aunt Nancy and her strong faith in God and how she simply says, “God is still good.”  She reminded me that God saves every tear and when we are hurting he is hurting with us.  He mourns when we mourn.  He cries with us and his heart breaks with ours.  We love you Jack, R.I.P.

Marriage Tip #2: Don't ever give up

Marriage is a journey.  There are going to be times of great joy and happiness but there will probably be times of sorrow and difficulty.  Either way you cannot ever give up on each other and your marriage.  Both parties have to be willing to work on the marriage because marriage will never be a one way street.  Sometimes people do terrible things and trust and respect may go out the window.  But I believe if both people are willing to work together you can overcome any obstacle.  Forgiveness is the key to moving on and going forward.

When you think about it, if you are a Christian you should try to forgive people no matter what they did.  The main reason is because Christ forgives us of our daily trespasses.  We can never be “good enough” no matter how hard we try we will always fall short.  This is why grace is so important.  Grace makes up the gap between where we want to be and where we actually are.  Sometimes this can be a difficult concept and expectations definitely factor in here too.

One thing I always try to do is communicate expectations.  Your spouse is never going to be a mind reader and they can only know your desires if you express them clearly.  Communication is the magic.  I say this all the time.  You have to be in constant communication when things don’t go according to plan; you have to talk things through so you can move forward.  Being angry doesn’t help anyone if you can’t communicate the problem, so it is less likely to happen again.

At the very least it can give the spouse the opportunity to apologize.  Then we come back to forgiveness.  I try to be generous with the forgiveness so when I mess up, he will be more likely to forgive me quickly.  I also just try to make my husband happy, doing things to help him out and being part of activities he enjoys.  He does the same thing for me.

But marriage may not be easy all the time and you really do have to work on it daily.  Be in constant communication because communication is the magic.  There also has to be mutual Love & Respect.  There is a really good book I read that transformed the way I viewed marriage called “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggrichs.  If you have not read it, I would definitely recommend it.

Consistency

Our married small group is doing a study on the book “Who You are When no One is Looking” by Bill Hybels.  We just started it but I definitely recommend it! The book is discussing character and one of the virtues is discipline.  We were talking about other parts to character and we mentioned consistency.  Discipline and consistency go hand in hand.  It is really hard sometimes to be discipline with consistency.

For example, I am trying to go to the gym 6 days a week and waking up and finding the motivation to go when I am tired and sore has been a challenge.  I feel like just getting to the gym is more than half the battle.  Once you get there things get easier because the atmosphere is encouraging because you see everyone else working out.

If I didn’t go to the gym and just tried to work out at my house I think I would be even less motivated to work out. Getting enough sleep is also really important.  My body definitely needs more rest since I am working out more.  I also have been really hungry since I am burning more calories and need more fuel.

Kyle has been really helpful by being supportive of my new routine. Sometimes you need a little push to be discipline and having an accountability partner helps.  I definitely recommend reaching out to someone who you trust to be able to speak into your life when you are trying to be more consistent and discipline in an area of your life.

So whatever your New Year’s resolution is, I would just encourage you to keep with it.  It gets easier with consistency and discipline

Good Enough

I have been training for a race called the Tough Mudder and have been going to the gym before work. I feel like I am in good shape but I don’t think I am in good enough shape yet for the race. What I have realize about the gym, finances and every other area of your life is: you will never be as good as you want to be or where you strive to be.  At the gym there is probably always going to be someone who is in better shape than you or better at something than you are.  In life, there is always going to be someone with more money than you or more stuff than you or a better job than you.

You may never feel like you can measure up to expectations.

So what does this mean?  Should we get down or depressed or discouraged?

Heck no! You can live the best possible life and be grateful for the things you do have.

Be Inspired.
Dream BiG.
Strive for Excellence.
Be determined to be better than you were before.
Don’t give up and work towards your goals with vigor.
Help someone in need.
Volunteer to make a difference in the community and people around you.
Be the kind of friend you would want.
Have personal respect and take responsibility in your actions.
Be the bigger person and forgive.
Be wise with your money and give to charity.
Take care of your body as it is a temple.
Appreciate your blessings and give thanks to God.
And most importantly enjoy life and loved ones along the way.

One of my personal mottos is also from our Declaration of Independence, “You have the right to pursue Happiness.”  Life is a journey and you will never be “there”. So enjoy the moment and the things you accomplish along the way.

Proverbs 31 Woman

Proverbs 31 women

Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.    She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.    She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.    She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.    She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.    She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.    She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.    “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”    Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the  Lord  is to be praised.    Honor her for all that her hands have done, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. (Proverbs 31:11, 12, 17, 20, 25-27, 29-31 NIV)

Proverbs 31 does a great job showing how a woman can live a life that honors God and her husband.  She works hard and does her best to be prepared for any situation that comes along.  By working on preparing a household in advance when something does happen she will be ready.  She is willing to help the poor because she has already taken care of her own family.  First we have to take care of our own lives then we can help others.

I believe it is also the same with raising a family.  We don't have children yet but I can imagine, the best thing you can do for your children is to have a healthy marriage.  You have to invest in your spouse and in your relationship with the Lord.  When you are full and satisfied you are able to pour into other people.  When you have a good marriage your children will benefit.  Keeping God in the center of your marriage is also so important.

Lately, Kyle and I have become so much closer because we have been praying together more often.  When something comes up that we would normally stress over, we look at each other and ask God for strength and wisdom.  I constantly pray for wisdom and then strength to do what I know needs to be done.  Patience is something that I constantly need.  I always try to be really kind and it is not easy when someone is hard to love.  It is important in these situations to respond and not react.  Being a Proverbs 31 woman is something you have to work on every day.

The Departed

We watched the "Departed" recently and it really got me thinking.  It was so intense and the whole movie is about crime, deception, and living double lives.  It made me really grateful for my simple life.  The movie mainly follows two characters played by Matt Damon and Leonardo DiCaprio.  Leonardo's character comes from a family with a long line of criminals. When he joined the Police Department they basically said he would make a better undercover cop because people would assume he would follow in his family's footsteps.  Matt Damon's character on the other hand came from a good background but he was secretly involved with one of the biggest criminals from a young age.  Matt Damon joined Police Department then became a detective who was trying to catch the criminal.  So Matt Damon was his inside man giving him the heads up at every turn so he wouldn't be caught.

It just made me think about  the difficult lives people have and how so many people can get wrapped up in the wrong crowd and have to pay the price.  When you start going down the wrong path you may not notice at first but then once you get really deep into it, it can be difficult to get out.  That is what happened in the movie and happens in life all the time.  You start to think you are not good enough and you can't ever measure up to be accepted by Christ.

So while it may be difficult in life to get out of difficult situations, it is really easy to become right with God!  You will never be good enough on your own to be right with God, but luckily you don't have to be.  Since Jesus came and died for your sin by accepting him as your Lord and Savior you can have that relationship with God.  The relationship you always wanted.  You can be accepted and forgiven so easily.  It is easy to be forgiven by God but a lot of times for us it is hard to forgive others.  So when someone comes to you that has wronged you, if you have the temptation to hold a grudge remember how easily Christ forgives and accepts you.  It's really that simple to be accepted and forgiven by Christ so why not make it simple for someone else to be forgiven.

I Knew You Were Trouble

I'm sure everyone has that one relationship that they knew from the very beginning was going to be trouble. Taylor Swift's new CD "Red", that is going to be released October 22, has a new song called, "I Knew You Were Trouble." This song reminds me of one guy in particular that I knew from the beginning wasn't good for me. We didn't have a lot of things in common but we both loved to play soccer.

He wasn't a Christian but at the time I remember thinking I would influence him and then he would learn to love God the way I did. Christians have a term for this. It is called Missionary Dating and I do NOT recommend it. The idea is God's light will shine through you and they will become a believer. God also discourages this and that is why he calls us to be with a man who can lead us closer to him. My life has always been on fire for God and he was throwing water, so to speak, on my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

There is a bright side to this story...

 Through this relationship, as with others I have been in, it taught me what I did and did not want in a man. It helped me see the type of man God desperately wanted for me. I had known my future-husband for over a year and a half and after that other relationship I saw him in a whole new way. I was able to appreciate him for the incredible man is was and continues to be every day. I fell in love with Kyle and now I know it was all meant to be.

Kyle is a strong Christian, he is compassionate, brilliant, and dashing. He is everything I always wanted. Like the other relationship I knew from the very beginning how it was going to be, except this time I knew it was also what God wanted for me!! I am so grateful that Kyle and I are together and give thanks to God every day for blessing both of us by bringing us together. Through our relationship we are able to give glory to God. Marriage is now our ministry, and together we will shine God's light.

I choose you, EVERY time!

In August, it will be two years of being married to Kyle.  It has really flown by.  I love him more every day!!  We just really have fun together.  He is the most amazing Christian leader and someone worth following.  I would follow him anywhere and everywhere. I trust and respect him completely.  In return, he loves me completely, as I like to notice, how Christ loves us.  This is the key to our marriage and I believe any healthy marriage.  In marriage it seems you either grow together or unfortunately, you grow apart.  Growing together is what we will constantly strive for throughout our marriage.  It takes joyful work, patience, and tons of grace!  Sometime you have to, consciously, choose to love your spouse.

I really don’t know how I could ever live without him.  He is my everything. I tell him almost every day, “You know, if I had to pick one thing to have in this world… I choose you, EVERY time!!”  I also tell him that he is “my favorite, anything.”  He is my best friend, and the love of my life.  It is kind of funny to think about but, when I was single, I never really could imagine or expected to ever find someone like him or think about loving someone so much.  He is kind of easy to get along with which helps.  We were also older when we started dating so we were mature.  You have to be satisfied in your relationship with yourself and the Lord or there will be a void in your heart. Then, you try to fill that void with someone else.    

To quote part of my favorite poem by St. Anthony of Padua, “Be Satisfied in Me” he wrote:

“Everyone longs to give themselves completely to someone,
To have a deep soul relationship with another,
To be loved thoroughly and exclusively.
But God, to a Christian, says,
“No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content
With being loved by Me alone,
With giving yourself totally and unreservedly to Me,
With having an intensely personal and unique relationship
With Me alone…”

When I was single, I had this poem taped behind my bedroom door and I read it almost every day.  It helped me focus on my relationship with myself and the Lord.  I really can’t stress that enough, how important it is to be a “complete person” before you are serious about adding that special person to your life.  My recommendation to those being patient in God’s plan for your life is to enjoy every season.  Then when you are ready and the person God has for you is ready, God will unite you together.  Timing is everything. 

Humility, Truth, and Grace

One of the things I love most in people is a humble spirit.  There is nothing that can replace someone who is not proud or boastful.  This is actually one of the main reasons I feel in love with my husband.  He is the most humble person I know.  He is the type of person that has a lot of things to boast about and many accomplishments, but he is not the one who will tell you about them.  He works so hard.  Not to show off but for his personal drive.  He has worked so hard and after 3 years of working full time and taking MBA evening classes, he is about to graduate!  I am the one who has to brag on him! 

I feel it is the type of thing that it is better for people to bring up your accomplishments and be humble. Rather than trying to show off!  I admire this quality in people a lot.  It is so cool to know someone and like them and then have no idea what they do.  To like them for who they are and not what they do.  I always would prefer for someone to like me for the real me.  I never pretend to be someone I'm not.  I have a personal motto that, "I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not."

Obviously I would prefer to be liked.   "Though I am free and belong to no one, I have made myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible." 1 Corinthians 9:19  I try to love like Jesus loves, to be his disciple.  I want to love one another as Jesus loves us.  "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another!" John 13:35 NIV

Andy Stanley brought up a great point the other day during part of his series "Christian," there is a tension when we want to love like Jesus.  We are often tempted to resolve the tension.  Don't walk away from the truth that we are sinners and accepting the grace to be loved by Jesus.  He brings up the story in the Bible where Jesus tells a crowd that whom ever has never sinned they can throw the first stone.  We have to live a life full of truth and grace. Jesus came to seek and save, he came for sinners.

The truth is we are sinners, and the grace is Jesus couldn't love us less!!  We must love others this way!

You can hear more messages from Andy Stanley by clicking here.

My Legacy

I have had a lot on my heart lately about my dreams, the things I want to do, and transferring them into actions.  I realized recently I am ready!!!  I have been wanting to pursue my calling to write my story for a while.  I actually started my blog to prepare myself for this journey, essentially the next chapter in my life.  I am coming up on the 2 year anniversary of FunLovingJen.com and I feel equipped to take the next step.  Now, I am turning the page... 

The reason I am writing about this today is I want to hold myself accountable.  When you say things out loud and honestly submit your prayers to God, I really feel like He knows you are serious and you completely trust him.  God, "this is me submitting my life and the grace you have given me be brave and take the next step toward my dream and calling of becoming a real author."  I write, obviously with my blog, but I have always felt that there is an accomplishment associated with a hard bound book!

I have been praying about this endeavor and God whispered in my ear, "One step at a time, patience and determination lead to success, and hard work will pay off." Then I felt very inspired when he revealed to me, "a three hundred page book is 30 parts of 10 pages."  This is sounds absolutely nuts but this was a revolutionary mindset to me.  I think about 10 pages, and I think about one chapter or story of my life.  I could write one chapter of 10 pages and if I think about 30 different stories of my life I could accomplish this easily.  It was a comforting feeling.  This is why I feel God's presence in this path he is leading me down.

It was so daunting to think about writing 300 pages.  I now I am just thinking about it in sections.  My life has prepared me for this.  My courses in high school and my courses in college especially have been so helpful in developing my writing.  It is funny when I heard God's whisper, "Imagine how many pages of 10 I have already written!!" Just in FunLovingJen.com alone I have written 86 blogs posts!! I could probably compile a book just on my posts alone that I have already written. What a cool thought!!! 

But the blog is not my dream.  My dream is to be a published author.  My blog has been a means to an end... 

People talk about wanting to make a difference in this world.  My story is the type of story that will encourage people to overcome and thrive no matter what you go through in your life.  I know everyone has struggles and adversity.  Not everyone is comfortable or willing to share these intimate details.  Through the Lord I know this is one of the things I must do. 

This will be my legacy!

"Christians"

Disciple... Following Jesus and being like him.   I feel very inspired by Andy Stanley's current series at the Northpoint Community churches called "Christians."  I want to talk about it with a review and my thoughts on his BRILLIANT message.  It reminds me of the true meaning of the word disciple and how Jesus changed the world.  The series discusses how Christian was not a name we gave ourselves but one that other people gave us.  The word Christians is only used a couple times in the Bible.  So if the name is barely mentioned in the Bible what did Jesus' followers call themselves?  Disciple is the word consistently mentioned throughout the Bible instead of Christians.

In the Bible Jesus commands his disciples to LOVE one another.  This is what Jesus calls us to do... Love one another.  John 13:35 "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another!" Andy pointed out that any time people put more emphasis on anything else other than love, we are going in the wrong direction and backwards.  People fight wars in the name of religion, churches take and use authority to leverage power but this was not what Jesus was truly about! 

Love, it is all about love. Acting like Jesus. The whole "What Would Jesus Do" idea was right on target.

A lot of people don't like Christians because they feel like we are judgmental.  From my perspective I would say for certain Christians this is the case.  I previously thought that we shouldn't judge anyone.  When in fact the only people Christians need to worry about is other Christians.  No one who is not a Christian ever said they would commit to the things Christians signed up for themselves.  In 1 Corinthians 5:9-12 it references that Christians need to be judging each other and hold another accountable for our actions.

Some people have to figure things out on their own.  We have to know what life is like without Jesus to know what grace we can have THROUGH Jesus.  With grace we are all forgiven.  It is through humbling ourselves that we receive grace.  It is when you realize you desperately need forgiveness that you can pray honestly to God that you need his grace.  Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you come back to the church and realize you need Jesus in your life as your Lord and Savor.
 
If we do this we will make disciples when people feel loved and accepted for who they are and not condemned.  Matthew 28:19-20 says "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.  And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age.


So the lesson here is love one another and don't criticize other people, unless you are calling attention to a Christian who is sinning. Love one another and don't judge outsiders.

Persistence in Life

Persistence to Pursue a goal is everything I have ever done.  In school, in work and in love.

In school, I have always worked hard and have never let circumstances deter me from doing the best I could. I wasn't the best in my classes.  I did well because I didn't give up.  I achieved my good grades by being consistent in studying, learning and asking for help when I needed it.  Any one can tell you if you apply yourself you can get great results.  The key is to carry on and not give up.  You may not be the top of your class, but you don't need to be.  Set your own standard and improve upon that.  If you can, you go for the highest result you feel you master.  I compared myself to myself.  I fought to be better than my last grade.  I took the endeavor to beat my personal goals.

In work I am dedicated.  I take my love of life, people and the Lord and I bring it to the work place.  We can live the life that is pleasing to the Lord in our job.  Through that I hope to be able to show others, by example, the Holy Spirit in me.  Then  when someone is interested or going through a trial I can be there for them.  The first step is to build relationships.  People are more apt to listening to what we have to say when they trust us, because then they know we are genuine. They know our heart is in the right place.  They would be more likely to come with us to church.  Then  from there the Lord is already working through us, but we have to be Bold.  We have to see the right time.

In love, I am always on a pursuit.  When I was single I went through many different stages.  When I was young, I was learning what it was but it was something I didn't fully understand. My parents loved me completely, but I didn't recognize that when I was little.  When I was older I experimented with dating people that were accidents.  I say they were accidents because almost every single one began because I needed a date to some kind of event.  I didn't realize that until I started dating people on purpose... my husband is the first person I did this with ;)  I had some extremely wise advise from my dad who said, "Jennifer, you need to stop reading about dating and relationships and find someone you like and make it happen."  I was to a point in my life where luckily I was tuned into my relationship with Jesus Christ and never have felt closer.  I was able to pray about it honestly.  I remember specifically a thought coming into my heart and it said, "Kyle would be perfect for you." I thought back to that voice and replied, "You are right."  I never talk to myself, never.  So this was divine intervention.

As a woman married to the love of my life, I am still persistent.  Every day I love my husband completely.  Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy or boast, love completely, love through good times and bad.  With Christ in the center of our relationship it is much easier to do.  Since I am married to Kyle and he is a Christian leader in our relationship it also helps keep our love in the right place.  Love is persistent, just as we have the right to pursue happiness.  We have to live our life and as my Grandmother says, "Do your very best in everything you do, and you will never have any regrets."