My Battle with Postpartum Manic Psychosis

Me and Our Second Son, 8 weeks postpartum
Photo Credit: Taylor Haff Photography

I used to think the worst part about acute onset manic psychosis was the intensity—the racing thoughts, the boundless energy, the inability to slow down. I was wrong. The worst part is the awareness. It is knowing you are unraveling while it is happening. Feeling your mind speed up, recognizing that you are becoming manic, and realizing that no amount of willpower or prayer alone can calm you down. You are present enough to understand what is happening, but not well enough to stop it.

The best part about the world we live in today is that help exists. Some medications can bring you down and help you stabilize. Some doctors understand this illness. There are hospitals that can keep you safe. The difficult part is finding the right balance. Too little medication, and you are too high. Too much, and you feel foggy, exhausted, and unlike yourself. Stability lives in a narrow space, and finding it takes time, patience, humility, and the right support.

This is the story of my battle with postpartum acute-onset manic psychosis. I experienced it twice, once after each of my sons were born. While both episodes were serious, they unfolded very differently, and each taught me something profound about faith, surrender, and the courage it takes to ask for help.

Our First Son, newborn 

After the birth of my first son, everything unraveled quickly, and I experienced postpartum psychosis. What followed was nearly a year of trial and error. Finding the right medication took far too long. During that year, I cycled through medication changes, Emory Hospital stays, ECT treatments at Emory Hospital, and periods of deep despair. I was fighting for my life, even when I didn’t fully realize it. It affected not only me, but my husband, our baby, and everyone who loved us.

Eventually, a new doctor at Peachford Hospital made a decision that changed everything. He put me back on the medication I had been stable on before pregnancy. Within two days, I was myself again. The contrast was almost unbelievable. But the damage of that long year left lasting scars. I emerged from it believing—deeply—that our family was complete. I did not think I could survive going through that again.

For eight years, I believed that with certainty. Life slowly became peaceful again. Stability returned. And then, quietly and gently, God changed my heart. There was no dramatic moment. No loud declaration. Just a steady, unmistakable feeling from the Holy Spirit that if I walked this road again, I would not walk it alone. God never promised it wouldn’t happen again. He never promised it would be easy. But He promised He would help me get through it, again.

Our Second Son, 12 days old
Photo Credit: Taylor Haff Photography

When our second son was born, the illness returned quickly and fiercely. I did not sleep for the first fourteen days of his life. I was recovering from a C-section, in significant pain, and hesitant to take strong pain medication. The exhaustion fed the mania, and the mania fed the exhaustion. I could feel myself becoming unstable, and I knew I would not be able to get better on my own.

The turning point came unexpectedly. Our older son looked at me and said, “You’re getting manic.” Hearing it from him cut through everything. His words grounded me in reality. I knew there was a small window where I could still make a clear decision before my mind convinced me otherwise. I told my husband I needed to go to the hospital. He already knew that 3 days before I admitted it.

We had already hired a nighttime nanny to help care for the baby so both my husband and I could get sleep. She stayed with our boys while my husband drove me straight to the mental health facility. There was urgency, but there was also peace. We knew this was the right decision.

Our Second Son, 12 days old
Photo Credit: Taylor Haff Photography

Walking through those doors meant leaving my newborn. It meant leaving my older son and my husband. That separation was one of the hardest things I have ever endured. The grief of it sat heavily on my chest. But it was also one of the bravest choices I have ever made.

This time, I had better doctors. I was treated by the same doctor who helped stabilize me after my first son—someone I trusted deeply. I also had a new doctor who was highly experienced. Together, we followed a written plan we had prepared in advance. Instead of changing all my medications, they kept me on what I had been stable on before pregnancy and temporarily added additional medication to bring me down safely.

Emotionally, it was still incredibly difficult. While in the hospital, I wrestled with guilt and shame. I was angry with myself for being there again, knowing the risks. I felt as though I had somehow done this to myself. But even in that place, God met me with grace. He reminded me that seeking help is not failure. It is wisdom. It is obedience. It is an act of love—for myself, for my children, and for my husband.

The hospital was a safe place for me to heal. I was in a severe postpartum acute onset mania, and I would not have survived trying to manage it alone. God worked through doctors, medication, and structure to restore my mind.

Our Second Son, 1 year old
Photo credit: Taylor Haff Photography

Over the next five months, I slowly tapered off the extra medication. We did it carefully and intentionally, and I remained stable the entire time. Around that same season, we shut down an unsuccessful business. While difficult, it allowed me to stay home, focus fully on my health, and truly enjoy our new baby. At the same time, my husband began a new business venture with a partner—a fresh start that, over time, grew into something healthy and successful.

Looking back now, I see God’s faithfulness woven through every part of this story. James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” That verse carried me when I felt weak. It reminded me that endurance has purpose.

I also clung to the truth of Psalm 34:19: “The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” And Isaiah 41:10 became a quiet reassurance: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

God did not promise ease. But He promised presence. He promised help. And He kept His word.

Current picture with me & our sons, 11 years and 18 months
Photo Credit: Hayden Cate Photography

If you are struggling with mental illness, please hear this: asking for help is not a weakness. It is a strength. It is courage. It is faith in action. Healing is possible, and you do not have to walk this road alone.

If you need mental health care and are in Georgia, I recommend Peachford Hospital at 2151 Peachford Rd, Atlanta, GA 30338.

Nap Time Art

My artistic journey has spanned decades—with breaks in between—but right now, as a stay-at-home mom, I create during nap times, late at night, or when I’m blessed to have help with our baby.

Our 15-month-old has been such a joy and blessing to our family. If you’ve been following my blog over the years, you’ve also seen glimpses of my postpartum struggles. It’s something I’ve always been open about because pregnancy hormones can deeply affect mental health. (If you are struggling with postpartum issues, please seek out medical help!)

Before he was born, I spent over nine years helping my husband build a trucking company. But when the COVID pandemic hit, The Great Trucking Recession affected the entire industry—even Fortune 100 companies—and ours didn’t survive.

At the same time, I had just given birth to our second son. The timing was all part of God’s plan. No one thought I’d have another child—I had said after my first that I couldn’t do it again. But God changed my heart on a girl’s trip when the Holy Spirit revealed to me, “I will help you have another baby.”

My husband and I made a detailed plan with my doctors and backup options in place. It was still hard, but the Lord helped me through it. Everyone, including me, is so grateful that He gave us this little boy.

For years, we had prepared our older son to be an only child. When he was four, he asked for a sibling and never stopped hoping—but we didn’t think it was possible. Ten years later, God surprised us. Their bond today is unshakable.

To say it’s been an adjustment is an understatement. I went from running a business and raising an independent 11-year-old to starting all over again with a baby—at 40. I joke with my husband that he should know how much I love him, because here we are again, back in diapers!

As wonderful as motherhood is, I also needed something for me. Something that gave me a sense of purpose outside of wife, mom, daughter, and friend.

Art has always been a part of me. I’ve loved creating since I was little and even minored in Fine Arts at the University of Mississippi nearly 20 years ago. This past summer, I discovered not only do I love making art—I also love teaching it. A dear friend asked me to teach her children, and it lit a spark in me.

Around that time, I stumbled across pour painting. It’s fun, creative, and approachable—no brushes, sponges, or palette knives needed. Just special acrylic paints, a canvas, and gravity. The way the colors move and interact makes every piece unique and beautiful.

I started sharing my work on Instagram at @jensfunart, where I post time-lapse videos of my paintings. Before long, I was selling my art at farmers markets—rain or shine. And recently, through networking, I was given the opportunity to showcase my work in the Hickory Grove Furniture showroom!

Life has a way of coming full circle. What started as a little girl’s love of art has become a passion I can share with others, while also filling my own cup. Creating again brings me joy, purpose, and a reminder that God’s timing is always perfect.

I’m excited to see where this journey continues to take me.

Tips for the "First" when you have a "Second"

 

Our boys

When you have a second child, life changes for everyone, especially for your first child. The whole family dynamic shifts dramatically, and sometimes it can be harder for a child to express how they feel about it. They have their own thoughts, but there may 3be uncertainty, even while you're still pregnant.

Once the baby is born, it's important not to make everything about the baby. Show the first child that they are still important and validate their feelings during the transition. They may subconsciously seek ways to gain more attention while it seems like everyone is focused on the baby.

My husband and I make a conscious effort to spend one-on-one time with our older son. I love having moments with him where it's just the two of us, and my husband also enjoys one-on-one time with him. We also plan activities for the three of us to enjoy together. Additionally, both my husband and I have taken separate trips with our son, just the two of us each time.

After 10 years between them, no one but the Lord knew this would ever happen. As you may know from my other blog posts, I had incredibly difficult postpartum issues after our first son was born. For about eight years, I truly believed we would not have any more children. However, at the beginning of 2023, the Lord changed my heart, and we decided to try for a second child.

We started trying, and I got pregnant. Heartbreakingly, I had a miscarriage and lost our angel baby at around six weeks. We all mourned the loss of our angel baby, whom we named Taylor. In Taylor’s honor, we planted an oak tree in our front yard.

After that, we got pregnant again with our now 9-month-old baby boy. There was a sweet happiness when he was born. One of the best parts has been watching our two sons interact. Our older son loves his baby brother—holding him, playing with him, reading to him, and showing him off. They already share a very special bond.

Our older son is now 11 and is a huge help with his little brother. Some mornings on the weekend, when the baby wakes up, our older son gets him, and they hang out together. It’s so nice for me and my husband to be able to sleep in on mornings like that! He has wanted a sibling for as long as he can remember, so he is incredibly grateful for his baby brother. I feel so blessed to be staying home with them and not "missing" any moments.

When they first met after the birth of our second boy, my heart almost exploded with joy. They are both fiercely loved. It is important to reassure the first child that your love for them remains just as strong. We are forever grateful for our two boys, and I look forward to loving them equally—though in different stages—for eternity.

The AMC Theaters vs. Regal Cinemas’ Baby Wars

As with our 10-year-old when he was little, we take our almost 8-month-old everywhere. This includes the movie theaters. Our little one is quite the moviegoer so far. He has seen “Dog Man,” “Wicked for Good” on Christmas Eve, “Moana,” and “Mufasa.” They were excellent movies!

Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake after "Dog Man"

 He rocked them all! He doesn't cry in movies, but he usually takes a little nap and may get a little fussy. The trick with a baby in the movie is to have: a comfy blanket, a pacifier, a non-noisy toy, and their food. If you want your kid to be good when you're out and about, you have to take them with you from a young age.

Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake at "Mufasa"

We have had 2 very different experiences when it comes to changing our baby’s diaper at the movie theater:

I am blessed with a very involved husband and father to our 2 boys. He also changes diapers when we are out and about. During “Wicked for Good” on Christmas Eve at the AMC Theater, he took our son out of the movie to change his dirty diaper. Unbeknownst to me or him, at the AMC Theater off Riverstone Pkwy in Canton, they do not have changing tables in their men’s or women’s bathrooms. This doesn't make sense to us.

"Wicked for Good" at AMC Theaters, Riverstone

How can a large establishment that hosts thousands of people a day not have changing tables in their bathrooms?

The only option to change him was on the movie theater hallway’s unused concession stand counter. Luckily, we have a changing pad we can put down to change our baby, but it is so disappointing that this AMC Theater does not provide bathrooms for babies wearing diapers.

"Moana 2" in 3D at Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake

On the other hand, when we saw “Dog Man” at the Regal Cinemas Movie Theater in Woodstock and had a much better experience. Not only did they have changing tables in both the men’s & women's restroom, they had the changing table disposable pads to put down! This is a great extra benefit that most places don't provide. It was a nice place to change our baby’s diaper with dignity…

 

Bathroom Changing table pads at Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake

We also like this Regal Cinemas movie theater because they have big reclining seats that are comfortable. They also have matinée prices that are almost half off!

Well done, Regal Cinemas!

 AMC Theaters, please make some changes.

Starbucks Location’s Discrimination Against New Mothers

It was December 23rd, 2024, a Monday. This happened at the Starbucks in Kennesaw, Georgia off Barrett Parkway.  440 Ernest W Barrett Pkwy NW, Kennesaw, GA 30144

I have a 6-month-old baby boy, named Jed Kody. He is so precious, and I love him dearly. I have been running errands since 11:00 a.m.  I drove all the way down to downtown Atlanta, for my first errand and took our new son with me.  I was making my way back up to Kennesaw to finish some other errands before heading home to Canton, GA. I wanted to stop for a late lunch- for me and my boy.

I like Starbucks' sandwiches and coffee so I stopped at the one right there on Barrett Pkwy. Traffic is, of course, insane with all the people still doing their holiday shopping right next to Town Center Mall. I enjoyed my yummy seasonal iced coffee and grilled cheese and was feeding our new son. He really wanted my grilled cheese and kept reaching for it!!

We were having a relaxing moment when I realized I needed to change his diaper before I left for home.  I was about to leave and asked to use the restroom because it has a code on it. There was a man in line in front of me and both single occupant bathrooms were in use. I waited as the man in front of me also waited.

Before I continued to wait in line for the bathroom, I went to ask the employees if they had a changing table in the bathroom. Two of the baristas said they, "didn't know.” I went back to wait for a bathroom and one of the bathrooms was opening. I asked the man in front of me if he could see if there was a changing table before I continued to wait. (They have gender neutral bathrooms.) He informed me there wasn't a changing table in the bathroom.

I went back up to a different barista and I asked her, "do you know there's no changing table in the bathroom?" She said, "Yes I do. [Starbucks] did a small renovation of the store and they removed the changing tables when they were doing the renovations. So, now there is no changing table in the bathrooms. They didn't ask us for our input." 

I walked away very upset and started wondering what I was going to do. No changing table in the bathrooms?! It’s 2 days before Christmas and traffic is everywhere. I just wanted to get home.

I had two options:

1. Change my baby in the cold, outside, out of the back of my SUV or

2. Change him right there on the table where I was sitting.

I am outraged that these were the only choices I had to change my new little son at Starbucks. I feel discriminated against as a new mother and against my son. I feel unwelcome at that Starbucks because it has bathrooms for everyone except new babies… on purpose.

 

Dear Starbucks’ Corporate Management,

Why did you make the corporate, deliberate, calculated decision to take changing tables out of the gender-neutral bathrooms? Was it because you didn't want your staff to have to clean extra things in the bathrooms? Was it because you didn't want possibly the smell of a diapers? Why would you remove the only bathroom for children of new mothers? Things are hard enough! I personally had a very hard time after both of my boys were born. This time included. Of course, the option of changing our son on the bathroom floor was out of the question!!

I'm very disappointed it was a deliberate decision to take out changing tables from the Kennesaw, GA bathrooms that had changing tables before "the small renovation."

I hope you consider putting the changing tables back into the gender-neutral bathrooms so parents can have a place to change their little children. I do enjoy your drinks and food, but hope you think about how your corporate decisions affect REAL families.

Sincerely,

Jen B

Why do we go to Church?

 

Easter Service, Woodstock City Church

Kyle and I ran into friends at Woodstock city church a couple Sundays ago and it piqued an interest to a topic I want to explore: Why do we go to church?

Spoiler: there is not a right or wrong answer!

I just want to think through it and share all the reasons I can think of to go to church:

to learn more about Jesus

to hear an inspiring message

Andy Stanley, North Point Community Church

to learn more about the Bible

to have a deeper understanding of the Bible

to get plugged into the church community

returning to faith

giving God a second chance

for Holidays

to be with family

to be with friends

because someone invited you

to meet other Christians

for support during a hard time

for a baptism

for a funeral

for hope

to learn about good morals

to find a Christian partner/spouse

new to faith

to hear Christian music

Woodstock City Church Band

(Catholic) for confession

for communion

because you feel guilty

to give your kids a good up bringing

so, your kids can experience any of the above, too

so, you go to Heaven

so, you don't go to Hell

I am sure there are many more reasons I haven't listed. You may not agree with some of these reasons or believe they are "right." But that is what is so great about church & ultimately following Jesus, there is not a right or wrong reason to go to church.

Of course, you don't have to go to church to have a relationship or salvation through Jesus! Believe Jesus is your Lord and Savior. Believe that he died for your sins, so you could have a relationship with God. Believe that He rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven, so that we may have eternal life! That is it. You can say that to God right now, and you are "IN!" "I believe Jesus is my Lord and savior."

Then, show good works and put your faith into ACTION!

Amen

Hebrews Il:1 "now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."

When 2 Lines Turn Back to 1

Trigger Warning for miscarriages, postpartum, & infertility. 

I have known many people that have had miscarriages, but that has not been part of our story... until recently. For those of you who know me and our story, having our only son was really hard for me AFTER he was born. It was really, really, really hard. It also affected our family, and it was hard for them, too. 

But there are a lot of things that women don't feel comfortable talking about or sharing with most people. Miscarriages, postpartum mental health issues, and infertility are probably at the top of the list. So, a lot of times women struggle in silence. Which is a very lonely place, and that makes it worse. Somethings people struggle with when trying and having babies are: 

Infertility for women (and men) 

Miscarriages 

Hormonal issues during pregnancy 

Postpartum depression 

Postpartum psychosis 

Being a single mom 

Not having family or friend support and even sabotage 

Dealing with custody issues 

But, with even this long list of possible struggles, how often do you hear people talk about them? How often do you worry about feeling ashamed or worry you might be judged if you do share? The sad thing to me is with the state of social media, cyber bullying, unwanted opinions, unsolicited advice, you are justified with keeping hard things we deal with to ourselves. 

I have always wanted to change this, encourage people to share, and support one another when people need it the most. It is easy to ask for prayers when there are outwardly signs of distress or hospitalization. Crowd funding organizations like GiveSendGo are so helpful for rallying people behind a cause for people in need! Bless them for being a platform to give support through prayer and financial donations. 

But how often do you see crowd funding for any of the reproduction issues above? Full transparency, I haven't seen even one. That is a problem to me. All the above require support from family and friends and there are a lot of financial resources needed. So, we feel alone, we struggle in silence, we tough it out, and deal with it the best we can. 

That is why I am writing this post. That is why when I saw "2 lines" on the pregnancy test (learning I was pregnant), and even though it was so new, I told some family & friends. But then when I lost our baby, and the 2 lines went back to the "1 line" (not pregnant), I shared the sad news with the same people. But, because I had included them in our excitement, and then unfortunate loss, we got support. It was emotional support: calls, text messages, cards, visits, flowers, coffee, prayers, cake, and lots of chocolate. My parents and Kyle's parents are even buying us a tree in honor of our angel baby. 

All the support helps. It doesn't take away the pain and sadness, but it does give comfort in the moment. It gives people the opportunity to pray for you and your family. They can be there for you. They can remind you of God's faithfulness and hope for a healthy baby. 

I know I am VERY blessed to have a good support system, but I had to tell them. People can't be there for you if you don't include them in the journey and what you are going through when it happens. Otherwise, we feel alone. Losing a baby, at any stage, is so hard and even devastating. We shouldn't have to struggle in silence, but many people do. I hope this will change. 

We named our angel baby Taylor. I am comforted to know he or she is with my late mom, grandparents, other angel babies, and pups in Heaven. I hope for a someday baby. I pray God will answer our prayer for the baby that is on our hearts and hopefully we will have one day soon.

I made some art in honor of Taylor and hopes for our someday baby.  You can check out my Etsy shop here.

The Ultimate Creator- Moab, Utah

 

Moab, Utah

Videos of the Scenic Views of Moab, Utah

Kyle and I recently went on a trip to Moab, Utah for a special off roading event, outdoor exploring adventure, and a belated anniversary trip.  We celebrated 11 years of marriage in August.  Some people say times flies in marriage, but for us it feels like a long time. 

We have been through so much together over the years and we have come out stronger.  It feels like our marriage has refined us individually and as a couple through pressure to transform our marriage into a diamond.

Arches National Park in Moab, Utah

We certainly do not have it all figured out and conflict always comes up, but overall, I feel like we are in a good, happy, and content place.  As opposed to the way we use to interact together, at one point, when I wondered if we would make it.  The stresses of our lives became so great, but with God as our rock, we were able to cling to Him, and fight for our marriage and each other. (We also went to a great Christian marriage counselor for a few years and put the work in to address issues to move forward in better and positive ways.)

"Window" Rock formation, Moab, UT

Moab, Utah reminded me of the transformation our marriage has gone through and showcased the incredible creator God truly is. God has created an area of the country that you can literally see the layers of the crust of the Earth from millions of years of erosion. Like life and marriage, the pressures of the whole Earth have created shifts, and erosion. Over millions of years, the changing lakes and rivers have created landmark rock formations. Besides looking like Mars, the desert landscape is like nothing I have ever seen!

Arches National Park in Moab, UT

The national parks in Moab, Utah take you through a journey in time where you can explore and come in close contact with these amazing rock formations.  We explored the Arches National Park, and it was very vast and awe-inspiring. If you are ever able, I would encourage you to explore Moab and see God’s mighty hand on display in physically shaping the world!

"My Head Hurts"

 

1st Day of School 2021

James had been complaining about headaches after school. I would make comments that it was, "convenient it was happening right when it was time to start doing his homework". We thought maybe he wasn't drinking enough water. We thought maybe he wasn't eating enough at school. We thought maybe it was seasonal allergies. Can you tell we gave this a lot of thought??? I even asked his pediatrician about it too.

About James on his first day of school

But it wasn't until Parent's Night at his school when I spoke with another mom who said it could be related to his vision. Then, I immediately knew she was on to something. As I had found out, it was only happening around academic activities. I didn't think he had any trouble seeing but now knew it had to be related to his vision. Pediatricians can do basic vision screenings. Finding an opthamologist that can, has all the equipment, and will do comprehensive children's exams I realized, are harder to find.

After a visit to Milan Eye Center for a sty and a basic exam for James, they referred us to Eyes on Towne Lake. They told me about the wonderful Dr. Jennifer A.Dattolo, OD, FCOVD, there who specializes and has all the equipment to see children ("infants to elderly"). She gave James the most comprehensive eye exam I have ever seen and she was very efficient. After a long exam she told me the answer to our burning questions!

Working on Math homework

James has weak eye focusing muscles. She prescribed him glasses for reading, writing, and computer screens at school and home. Basically anything within his arm distance. He picked out some cute glasses and they are being ordered now. She said the straining trying to focus is what is giving him the headaches.

1st School Project- "Mercy Watson to the Rescue"

Kyle and I both wear contacts and have poor vision. James has 20/20 vision now and these glasses should help keep his vision better longer. The focusing muscles should get stronger over time as well.

So mommas and daddies, don't stop searching for an answer when you know something is not right with your babies (no matter how old they are). We have to be their biggest advocates! Trust your gut!

 

The Bright Sides of my Ankle Recovery

Female Strength Mural at Mercedes-Benz Stadium

 I have always been a "Let's look at the bright side" kind of person.  During difficult situations sometimes you really must search for something positive.  Positives can be hard to find and maybe they will not be revealed until a (much) later date. I do believe; however, God can use anything for His good, eventually. God also can provide comfort and grace during a trial to help you get through it. If you welcome Him in, He is with you even if He is silent.

 

Getting my medical boot

Since I have broken my ankle, it has changed just about everything I do to get around, to do household tasks, forget about running or playing soccer. In the event I have somewhere to go dressed up, nope, no heels either. I love my heels- the higher the better. But COVID-19 canceled my "heel events" anyway.

 

First time going up the stairs

Taking a shower

Showers looked a lot different and stairs, do not get me started on stairs. I feared getting more hurt by going up or down stairs. I stayed in an extra bedroom on our main level and did not go up the stairs for 2 weeks. I slept on an air mattress and used the couch behind it for working.  You know when you own a business certain things still need to get done.  Employees would be pretty upset if I had not run payroll that week.

 

Frankie trying to be sweet

I could go on and on about all the things I could not do or how hard it was for me and my amazing husband and son who picked up all the slack. But, I want to focus on the bright sides of this situation.  This whole time I have been looking for how God will use my broken ankle and the aftermath to reveal things to me and teach me some life lessons.  This has happened for a reason, and I was determined to figure out what the reasons were.  This is part of my story now.

 

Flowers from a friend

Flowers from two friends

Love. The biggest bright side of this whole experience has been L O V E. Actually F E E L I N G how loved I am. I have been abundantly blessed by the outpouring of support in so many ways from my family, friends, friends of friends, neighbors and even acquaintances. This is my biggest bright side. To have such amazing people in my life during such a hard time has been overwhelming, in the best way. Our family has an unforgettable gratitude to all of you for your kindness. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

 

Physical Therapy

I have a much bigger appreciation and gratitude for my health, fitness, and mobility. I developed a bigger compassion to those individuals that have mobility restrictions.  It is hard to explain, but there are a lot of emotions you have when you are struggling physically.  You feel like you are missing out because you cannot participate in certain things.

 

Grocery shopping for the first time

You can feel the eyes watching you wondering what happened to you or the story behind your situation. That is the most common question I get.  The little kids seem to be the most outspoken about their curiosities. Then their parents seem sorry or embarrassed that their kids ask questions or want to touch the medical boot. I did not mind them though, they mean well.

 

Tubing on the Toccoa River in Blue Ridge, GA

Then I felt almost guilty and an inconvenience for asking for help doing something that would have been easy for me before. I tried to ask in a really nice humble way and then be patient that it may not get done right then. I did not want to not come off as bossy or ungrateful.  I tried to use a lot of pleases and thank yous. That was a feeling I put on myself; Kyle and James are wonderful!

 

Braves game with my family

We feel very blessed with the things we have but they are not important, because they are just things.  It made me evaluate and reflect on what is important in life.  What IS important are the people you surround yourself with and the relationships you have in your life. My relationship with God.  That is one thing I can never do without in my life.

Girl, Wash your toes

 

X-Ray side view

I'd love to be able to tell you I broke my ankle on a wild hunting expedition stepping on a bear trap or in a sky diving accident or something else exotic and exciting.... but here is what actually happened:

(If you get squeamish, this post is not for you, keep scrolling.)

X-ray profile view

I was playing soccer in a local adult rec league. As a forward, I was in the goal box along with my other teammates trying to score. The game was close, and we were giving our all.  I was playing near the goal post and the ball was going away from the goal along the end line. I was leading with my left foot about to take a touch to keep it in bounds.  I was poised to turn to get the ball back in, hopefully scoring.

Well, that didn't happen... As I went to take a touch with my left foot the goalie dived for the ball, got the ball and landed on my foot.  It gets kind of gruesome from there.  I heard and felt 2 breaks and as I went down, I knew it was a major injury. I immediately started to freak out.

Our son was there watching, and we have taught him how to unlock our phones and make calls in case of an emergency. He also has both my and Kyle's phone numbers memorized.  I called to our son and asked him to call Kyle while my teammates called 911.

Our son earlier that day at Monster Jam

As I laid there my teammates gently took off my shoe, then my soccer socks, then my shin guards. They asked me if I could wiggle my toe? "If you can wiggle your toe, it is not broken," one player said. I could wiggle my toes, so I thought that was a good sign. But then when they put my leg down, my ankle went one way, and my foot went the other way. Then I really panicked.

By this time Kyle, was on the phone and our son gave me the phone to talk to him. Kyle knows how to calm me down and he started talking me down off my cliff I felt like I was on. The firemen and EMTs were arriving and Kyle was on his way. James was quickly packing up all my stuff. (I think he aged about 3 years during this traumatic series of events.)

The EMTs took one look at my ankle and said they were going to put a splint on it and take me to the hospital. As they carted me off the field on the gurney I was wondering if they could tell if it was broken, since I could wiggle my toes and all... without hesitation he said, "Oh, yeah".

At Monster Jam that morning

Skipping ahead, Northside Hospital Cherokee was wonderful. The care I received was top notch and the staff was very accommodating. After trying to set the ankle in the ER, it didn't set completely straight. The ER Dr. contacted the Orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Widener, and he decided to go ahead and schedule me for surgery the next day.  He already had a full day of surgery, so I was blessed to stay overnight so he could do the surgery the next day.

The hospital was almost at full capacity, so they let me spend the night in the ER. The next morning, they moved me to a room in the women's ward while I waited to have my surgery that afternoon. When I got to the preop room, I asked someone to pray with me and we did. Then, as they prepared me for surgery, I felt God's presence as a friend I volunteered with at our church walked in to my preop room. I remember when she was going through nursing school and how we prayed she would pass her nursing test. I remember how hard she worked to earn her degree! Now, in the middle of my story she was my preop nurse!

After the surgery, Dr. Widener told me the injury was worse than they thought because there was a third bone broken, that they couldn't see in the x-ray, which is why it didn't set right in the ER.

The official diagnosis is a Trimaleolar fracture. In layman's terms, the three ankle bones were all broken, and my foot was dislocated. The thin bone broke at a diagonal, the bigger bone broke across the bottom, and the small bone on the back broke vertically. So, he put four screws on the metal plate attached to the thin bone, 2 screws going up on the big bone, and one screw going across the small bone in the back.

Watching our son's little league game

Now, I am wearing this half cast for 2 weeks. I cannot put any weight on that leg. Then I will switch to a boot and start physical therapy for the next six weeks. I feel overwhelmingly blessed with Kyle and James helping and doing so much, all our dear friends and neighbors rallying with us by bringing meals, flowers, chocolates, snacks, fruit, and offering to help in different ways. Thank you to my dad and my in-laws and to everyone for all the calls and texts of friends and family checking on me.

And no, the blood was not rushing to my toes Tuesday morning. I just needed to wash them...

A lady bug landed on my good ankle

Immanuel (Hebrew: עִמָּנוּאֵל‎ meaning, "God is with us"

But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”  All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: “The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”).

Matthew 1:20-23 NIV

https://bible.com/bible/111/mat.1.20-23.NIV