Tips for the "First" when you have a "Second"

 

Our boys

When you have a second child, life changes for everyone, especially for your first child. The whole family dynamic shifts dramatically, and sometimes it can be harder for a child to express how they feel about it. They have their own thoughts, but there may 3be uncertainty, even while you're still pregnant.

Once the baby is born, it's important not to make everything about the baby. Show the first child that they are still important and validate their feelings during the transition. They may subconsciously seek ways to gain more attention while it seems like everyone is focused on the baby.

My husband and I make a conscious effort to spend one-on-one time with our older son. I love having moments with him where it's just the two of us, and my husband also enjoys one-on-one time with him. We also plan activities for the three of us to enjoy together. Additionally, both my husband and I have taken separate trips with our son, just the two of us each time.

After 10 years between them, no one but the Lord knew this would ever happen. As you may know from my other blog posts, I had incredibly difficult postpartum issues after our first son was born. For about eight years, I truly believed we would not have any more children. However, at the beginning of 2023, the Lord changed my heart, and we decided to try for a second child.

We started trying, and I got pregnant. Heartbreakingly, I had a miscarriage and lost our angel baby at around six weeks. We all mourned the loss of our angel baby, whom we named Taylor. In Taylor’s honor, we planted an oak tree in our front yard.

After that, we got pregnant again with our now 9-month-old baby boy. There was a sweet happiness when he was born. One of the best parts has been watching our two sons interact. Our older son loves his baby brother—holding him, playing with him, reading to him, and showing him off. They already share a very special bond.

Our older son is now 11 and is a huge help with his little brother. Some mornings on the weekend, when the baby wakes up, our older son gets him, and they hang out together. It’s so nice for me and my husband to be able to sleep in on mornings like that! He has wanted a sibling for as long as he can remember, so he is incredibly grateful for his baby brother. I feel so blessed to be staying home with them and not "missing" any moments.

When they first met after the birth of our second boy, my heart almost exploded with joy. They are both fiercely loved. It is important to reassure the first child that your love for them remains just as strong. We are forever grateful for our two boys, and I look forward to loving them equally—though in different stages—for eternity.

Life in the Fast Lane

When you are in the fast lane the world moves by you in a blur.  You don't notice the beauty of the trees or even the smell of delightful flowers or the smell of Spring.  If you just go through life working you may miss the joy of appreciating what the world has to offer.  I am not discounting the importance of putting food on the table, but I am making the point to say it is more than that... It is the conversations at the table that are more important.

Making time for your family I think is so necessary.  The relationships with the people you do life with is what it is all about!  I remember growing up in a very loving home and I am forever changed for the better.  My mom has her Ph D in education and because of her schedule she was always there after school and at all my extracurricular events. 

My dad on the other hand has such a demanding job he never has a set schedule as his clients can call him day or night for any reason.  But what I remember most about my dad, and something that has helped me as an adult, is he always made time for me.  I was never "bothering" him, when I needed to talk to him.  I always knew his time is literally money and thus very valuable.  But the fact that he always was at there for me and at every soccer game or cross country meet made me feel valuable.  I found my self-worth from knowing I was important to him and my mom. 

I have memories of looking for him and sometimes he was not there at the beginning. I would look and sometimes even be distracted until I saw him there watching me.  I have a couple memories of running in a cross country meet and seeing him running across the field to watch me in the race.  Let me tell you seeing my dad in full suit and tie running in a full sprint is something that has ingrained in my mind.  He was there for me rooting me on when he had a thousand other things that were also important.

At soccer games my mom was there and my dad was an announcer.  I use to pretend to be embarrassed that he called the game like it was the radio with a play by play style, but it meant the world to me because he was so into it!!  I learned a lot about how to be a wife from my mom.  She never gave up and worked all the time to make our family work.  She took night classes when she was getting her Ph D but I always remember her being there.

I know how important it is to be there for your family and I hope my family and friends know they can always count on me to stop, pull over from the fast lane, and appreciate the joys in life that don't cost a thing but your time.  We only have a limited time on this earth and I want to be remembered for how I contributed to the world, making it a better place, not just driving and pushing towards material things.  Relationships with people and our attitude are the only thing that matter.  How you treated them and how you made a difference is what people will remember.

Love and Heroes Persevere

There are times in my life I can remember, when I was so discouraged, concerned about what people thought of me, but most of all embarrassed with my situations and or mental health.  The best part of these times and the things that get me through it is Love.  The Love of my family, friends, doctors, teachers and coworkers has helped me through some very tough times!  For that, I thank all of you!!!!  I hope you know how much you all have meant to me and the amazing influence you have had in my life.

None of these incredible people let me feel sorry for myself.  They are some of the most positive people I have ever known.  Your encouragement has given me strength to never give up.   I can be positive because I have the Love of these people and I know the Love of the Lord.  How the Lord is perfect in his Love for each of us.  People need to just be Loved no matter what.  Through a relationship with Jesus you can be surrounded by his Love. People need someone to believe in them, when we don’t believe in ourselves.  The Lord doesn’t and will never give up on us, even in our darkest days. 

People need someone to say: “Everyone has something they are going through or dealing with in their own lives.” When we seem excited or surprised when someone likes us, it brings confidence to say, “What’s not to like?” something my mom has always said.  People need someone to remind us about our good qualities when we get hurt emotionally.  Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just hold someone when they are balling their eyes out. Sometimes we need to hear “take things one day at a time.”  Sometimes we need to stop, and be grateful for our blessings. When we are going through a trail the best thing to do is to think about how “one day this too shall pass,” something my Aunt says about her cancer.

Being brave means so many things to me.  When I think of the brave people I know, they don’t give up or stop pursuing their mission.  Bravery doesn’t waiver in its beliefs or goals. Heroes don’t stop or give up when faced with adversity.  They pursue.  They persevere.  They only think of succeeding, they are relentless in doing whatever seemingly impossible task they are undertaking.

A person in armed forces, those who protect, and public service personnel these are my heroes.  People that have not given up on all possible solutions to live a healthier life, these are my heroes.  For every man, woman or child that has been abused, or is an addict and works through the recovery process, these are my heroes.  People who forgive someone, even if it is unhealthy to have them in your life, these are my heroes. 

The news and media are filled with terrible things, and exploiting people’s misfortune.  What is rarely on the news are millions of people all over the world that make it a place I love to live in every day. A place where there is hope, love, and grace.  The Lord blesses us and those who work in his name by giving us the ultimate gift… eternal life.   

The best part, it doesn’t cost a thing.

New Camera for a Semi New Family

He said he was driving and didn't want to take a picture

Kyle used his USAA points to get us a new camera.  I was surprised when he said he wanted a new camera because he usually doesn't even like it when I am taking tons of pictures.  If he is turning over a new leaf I am all for it. 

Kisses

Of course I am always up for a picture.

at a stop light

So I guess he doesn't mind having his picture taken after all. 

I am loving the quality of this new camera, it is a FujiFilm with 14 mega pixels, and 5x zoom, I wish I had this camera at the Britney Spears Concert, that is for sure.

This is one of the first things we have bought that is something we will have to share, and I am sure it won't be our last.  It is just part of being married. 

I mean our dogs even know I am Ruby's master and Kyle is General's master.  This is because before we were married the dogs lived with each of us separately.  Of course now they are our dogs and we each take care of the other dog, but the attachment and favoritism is also there.  

I love both dogs and both dogs love us too.  Seriously the dogs make me feel like a family because with out them we would be a married couple.  I like our family the way it is for now.