Tips for the "First" when you have a "Second"

 

Our boys

When you have a second child, life changes for everyone, especially for your first child. The whole family dynamic shifts dramatically, and sometimes it can be harder for a child to express how they feel about it. They have their own thoughts, but there may 3be uncertainty, even while you're still pregnant.

Once the baby is born, it's important not to make everything about the baby. Show the first child that they are still important and validate their feelings during the transition. They may subconsciously seek ways to gain more attention while it seems like everyone is focused on the baby.

My husband and I make a conscious effort to spend one-on-one time with our older son. I love having moments with him where it's just the two of us, and my husband also enjoys one-on-one time with him. We also plan activities for the three of us to enjoy together. Additionally, both my husband and I have taken separate trips with our son, just the two of us each time.

After 10 years between them, no one but the Lord knew this would ever happen. As you may know from my other blog posts, I had incredibly difficult postpartum issues after our first son was born. For about eight years, I truly believed we would not have any more children. However, at the beginning of 2023, the Lord changed my heart, and we decided to try for a second child.

We started trying, and I got pregnant. Heartbreakingly, I had a miscarriage and lost our angel baby at around six weeks. We all mourned the loss of our angel baby, whom we named Taylor. In Taylor’s honor, we planted an oak tree in our front yard.

After that, we got pregnant again with our now 9-month-old baby boy. There was a sweet happiness when he was born. One of the best parts has been watching our two sons interact. Our older son loves his baby brother—holding him, playing with him, reading to him, and showing him off. They already share a very special bond.

Our older son is now 11 and is a huge help with his little brother. Some mornings on the weekend, when the baby wakes up, our older son gets him, and they hang out together. It’s so nice for me and my husband to be able to sleep in on mornings like that! He has wanted a sibling for as long as he can remember, so he is incredibly grateful for his baby brother. I feel so blessed to be staying home with them and not "missing" any moments.

When they first met after the birth of our second boy, my heart almost exploded with joy. They are both fiercely loved. It is important to reassure the first child that your love for them remains just as strong. We are forever grateful for our two boys, and I look forward to loving them equally—though in different stages—for eternity.

Starbucks Location’s Discrimination Against New Mothers

It was December 23rd, 2024, a Monday. This happened at the Starbucks in Kennesaw, Georgia off Barrett Parkway.  440 Ernest W Barrett Pkwy NW, Kennesaw, GA 30144

I have a 6-month-old baby boy, named Jed Kody. He is so precious, and I love him dearly. I have been running errands since 11:00 a.m.  I drove all the way down to downtown Atlanta, for my first errand and took our new son with me.  I was making my way back up to Kennesaw to finish some other errands before heading home to Canton, GA. I wanted to stop for a late lunch- for me and my boy.

I like Starbucks' sandwiches and coffee so I stopped at the one right there on Barrett Pkwy. Traffic is, of course, insane with all the people still doing their holiday shopping right next to Town Center Mall. I enjoyed my yummy seasonal iced coffee and grilled cheese and was feeding our new son. He really wanted my grilled cheese and kept reaching for it!!

We were having a relaxing moment when I realized I needed to change his diaper before I left for home.  I was about to leave and asked to use the restroom because it has a code on it. There was a man in line in front of me and both single occupant bathrooms were in use. I waited as the man in front of me also waited.

Before I continued to wait in line for the bathroom, I went to ask the employees if they had a changing table in the bathroom. Two of the baristas said they, "didn't know.” I went back to wait for a bathroom and one of the bathrooms was opening. I asked the man in front of me if he could see if there was a changing table before I continued to wait. (They have gender neutral bathrooms.) He informed me there wasn't a changing table in the bathroom.

I went back up to a different barista and I asked her, "do you know there's no changing table in the bathroom?" She said, "Yes I do. [Starbucks] did a small renovation of the store and they removed the changing tables when they were doing the renovations. So, now there is no changing table in the bathrooms. They didn't ask us for our input." 

I walked away very upset and started wondering what I was going to do. No changing table in the bathrooms?! It’s 2 days before Christmas and traffic is everywhere. I just wanted to get home.

I had two options:

1. Change my baby in the cold, outside, out of the back of my SUV or

2. Change him right there on the table where I was sitting.

I am outraged that these were the only choices I had to change my new little son at Starbucks. I feel discriminated against as a new mother and against my son. I feel unwelcome at that Starbucks because it has bathrooms for everyone except new babies… on purpose.

 

Dear Starbucks’ Corporate Management,

Why did you make the corporate, deliberate, calculated decision to take changing tables out of the gender-neutral bathrooms? Was it because you didn't want your staff to have to clean extra things in the bathrooms? Was it because you didn't want possibly the smell of a diapers? Why would you remove the only bathroom for children of new mothers? Things are hard enough! I personally had a very hard time after both of my boys were born. This time included. Of course, the option of changing our son on the bathroom floor was out of the question!!

I'm very disappointed it was a deliberate decision to take out changing tables from the Kennesaw, GA bathrooms that had changing tables before "the small renovation."

I hope you consider putting the changing tables back into the gender-neutral bathrooms so parents can have a place to change their little children. I do enjoy your drinks and food, but hope you think about how your corporate decisions affect REAL families.

Sincerely,

Jen B

How I Love Our Toddler and Taking Him to His First Wedding

Let me start with saying, "Hello, how have you been?!" It has been almost a year since my last blog post about two of our best friends, Amy and Brad Ward, who left Atlanta to travel the country!!! Update: They are chilling in Colorado living the Snow Bunny Life. 

Family picture at James' third birthday party

Our son, James, just had his THIRD birthday a few weeks ago. His third birthday, seriously?! That went by so quickly! We love our little munchkin, more than I ever would have thought possible. Sometimes it is still surreal that I am grown up and a mom. The way he looks to me for comfort, love, attention, approval, snuggles, and even how he wants me to rub his back while he is falling asleep, it gets me every time. When he is around other people and children he listens and takes it all in first before he gets comfortable. He is our little observer. I love how he is so sweet and thoughtful. I am grateful for the respect he shows me too. Sometimes it surprises me how I start "counting to 3" and he gets up and gets going on #1. 

James loves to sit on my lap

But I'm definitely a little softy, though. For example, he would have me carry him everywhere if I would. Usually, I have been carrying him but we are trying to get him to walk more. I just know I will look back when he is much bigger and relish the memories of carrying his little 31 lb. self all over the place. My little snuggle bunny loves to sit in my lap. It is the sweetest part of my day when he wants to climb in my lap and hold my hands. He would prefer to sit in my lap even while we are both eating but he has to eat in his own chair and "be a big boy". But, I know I'll miss him being little enough to sit in my lap one day too. I treasure all of these memories we have together and look forward to making new memories as he grows older. 

Snuggle buddy

We recently went to Lauren and Alex Ziegler's wedding and took James. It was a beautiful celebration of love and was a picture perfect Southern style wedding weekend, complete with a crawfish boil on the Thursday night before the wedding. I love the South and how everyone makes you feel so welcome and the hospitality can't be beat! The Clark-Ziegler wedding was no exception!! 

Behnkes and Zieglers

I was honored to read this scripture about love during the ceremony: 

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loves in us and his love is made complete in us. This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” 1 John 4:7-21 NIV

Lauren and I before the wedding

We went to get James a suit before the wedding, because it was elegant and formal. James was so cute picking out his little suit. He was so proud of himself that he was going to be all dressed up like his Daddy.

My handsome dates

Then, he was such a great little traveler and had so much fun at all the wedding events and festivities. He even helped me give a little speech during the rehearsal dinner. I asked him after we got home what was his favorite part of the wedding weekend and he told me it was when we were dancing together. It made my heart completely melt into a pile of mush. Kyle even joined in with the dancing. The three of us held each other and were all dancing together. Yes, sorry, we were those people having a family love fest on the dance floor. But it was one of the best nights the three of us have had out together.

Our little family at the Jackson, MS Yacht Club

The sweetest part of this story is how it ties into my own childhood. One of my very first memories was dancing with my dad at a wedding. I'll never forget, my favorite preschool teacher, Ms. Jamie. She was getting married and asked me to be a flower girl. I had the best time but my favorite part was dancing with my dad. I swear, I learned all my dance moves that night. Well, maybe not all my dance moves, but I certainly learned how much fun it is to dance with your favorite guy. It brought it all full circle for me. 

Thank you for inviting us, Lauren and Alex, to be a part of your wedding! May you have much love and happiness as husband and wife!! 

I hope James always knows the love we have for him and how we would do anything in our power for him. He is going to be our only child and he will always be enough. We are so blessed to be his parents!! We love you, James!