Celebrating My First Birthday Without My Mom

Any other year I would have said this was absolutely the best birthday ever! We have so much to celebrate! Our son is healthy and almost two. He is growing up so so fast. Last night he even climbed out of the crib because he wasn't ready to go to bed. We started a trucking company and we are already thinking of expanding.

I got everything I asked for and more for my birthday, but one thing I really wanted I could never have again. One person I wish I could hear one more "Happy Birthday, Muffet! I love you, Jen." But she isn't here. I miss my mom and I wish she could see all we have going on, right now.

I think she would be proud of me and glad my health is so good. No, I know she would be proud of me. I know she would want me to be happy. Except for not having my mom in my life, I would say I am really happy. One thing is for sure, I am blessed.

The main thing that has truly helped me is the strength I have received through the Lord's matchless grace and peace. My husband, Kyle and my family and my friends who have prayed for me, thank you!! I feel your prayers daily and I love each of you!

My first Mother's Day without my mom and second as a mom

My first Mother's Day without my mom and my second as a mom. First I'd like to say a BIG Thank You to all my friends and family that have personally reached out to let me know they are thinking about me and praying for me. It is truly the comfort of the Holy Spirit that is helping me find joy in such a difficult day, which is so close to my mother, Doris Beardsley's, passing. 

To be honest, I am still kind of in shock that she is gone even after a month. I still call her and leave her messages. It feels like I am just waiting to hear from her until she calls me back. When the Lord calls me back we can finish our conversation. We sure will have a lot of catching up to do. 

When we talk in Heaven, I can tell her, again, how much she meant to me. How brave I knew she was, to fight through her pain everyday and never let anyone know how bad it was. She taught me that no one was perfect and to show myself grace. I'll tell her how much I learned from her: being kind and helping everyone as much as I can, being strong and courageous, living my life to the fullest, acting like a lady, learning and improving my knowledge constantly, and most of all loving with my whole heart!!!

Even as I write this I am starting to get emotional, thinking about how I won't hear her voice or her fun laugh again, in this lifetime. Heaven is eternity which will make this lifetime seem short, anyway. It still hurts and everyday it gets a little easier to live with the fact that she is gone. 

I am always going to remember all the memories we had together. Growing up knowing she would do and did anything for me and our family. Respecting her for working so hard to get her PhD in education. All the fun places we went together, traveling abroad and locally. Spending time at the lake on the weekends or even just watching Law and Order at nights growing up.

I am taking comfort that she is  with Jesus and with our Heavenly Father and Lord. She also is resting in such a beautiful place with such a great view overlooking the Atlanta & Buckhead skyline. It is a nice peaceful place to sit and hang out with her.