One year after my mom died

It’s been a year since I lost my mom and I am still struggling, but now I am learning to live without her. I think about her every day and it is so hard not being about to talk to her and tell her the little things. The little day by day stories about what James is up to and the cute little moments it seems he is always having. Like yesterday, when he was “mowing the lawn” with his toy lawn mower and the landscapers told him he was doing a good job and thanked him for his help. Then later in the day he started peddling on his tricycle all by himself. Or Sunday, when he had a really good day at the Woodstock City Church Waumba Land Nursery and was a coloring champ during the craft time. Or Saturday night, when he ate his first ice cream cone and knew just what to do even eating the cone. It is so hard not being able to talk with her and share life’s special moments. 

I miss hanging out with her and watching her play and interact with James, going to the lake with her, my dad and my family, and going out to eat on our lunch dates. My mom loved me so much and was my first best friend. She was there for me when I first started having health issues in high school and helped me get back on my feet. She was always so positive and helped me keep my chin up when I got discouraged. She would say things like, “No one is perfect,” “Everyone is dealing with something, people just don’t talk about it,” “The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind don’t matter,” “Feeling sorry for yourself doesn’t help anything,” and the idea that perseverance and hard work pays off.

I’ll only ever have one mom and I was blessed to have a great one!! I do know how fortunate I am to have learned from her the grace, class, and love of being a great mom, daughter, and professional woman. I’ll always miss her and keep her memory alive through living my life to the fullest and being the best mom, wife, daughter and business owner I can be. I hope I make her proud and I know she is smiling down on me. I love you, mom.

My first Mother's Day without my mom and second as a mom

My first Mother's Day without my mom and my second as a mom. First I'd like to say a BIG Thank You to all my friends and family that have personally reached out to let me know they are thinking about me and praying for me. It is truly the comfort of the Holy Spirit that is helping me find joy in such a difficult day, which is so close to my mother, Doris Beardsley's, passing. 

To be honest, I am still kind of in shock that she is gone even after a month. I still call her and leave her messages. It feels like I am just waiting to hear from her until she calls me back. When the Lord calls me back we can finish our conversation. We sure will have a lot of catching up to do. 

When we talk in Heaven, I can tell her, again, how much she meant to me. How brave I knew she was, to fight through her pain everyday and never let anyone know how bad it was. She taught me that no one was perfect and to show myself grace. I'll tell her how much I learned from her: being kind and helping everyone as much as I can, being strong and courageous, living my life to the fullest, acting like a lady, learning and improving my knowledge constantly, and most of all loving with my whole heart!!!

Even as I write this I am starting to get emotional, thinking about how I won't hear her voice or her fun laugh again, in this lifetime. Heaven is eternity which will make this lifetime seem short, anyway. It still hurts and everyday it gets a little easier to live with the fact that she is gone. 

I am always going to remember all the memories we had together. Growing up knowing she would do and did anything for me and our family. Respecting her for working so hard to get her PhD in education. All the fun places we went together, traveling abroad and locally. Spending time at the lake on the weekends or even just watching Law and Order at nights growing up.

I am taking comfort that she is  with Jesus and with our Heavenly Father and Lord. She also is resting in such a beautiful place with such a great view overlooking the Atlanta & Buckhead skyline. It is a nice peaceful place to sit and hang out with her.