My Battle with Postpartum Manic Psychosis

Me and Our Second Son, 8 weeks postpartum
Photo Credit: Taylor Haff Photography

I used to think the worst part about acute onset manic psychosis was the intensity—the racing thoughts, the boundless energy, the inability to slow down. I was wrong. The worst part is the awareness. It is knowing you are unraveling while it is happening. Feeling your mind speed up, recognizing that you are becoming manic, and realizing that no amount of willpower or prayer alone can calm you down. You are present enough to understand what is happening, but not well enough to stop it.

The best part about the world we live in today is that help exists. Some medications can bring you down and help you stabilize. Some doctors understand this illness. There are hospitals that can keep you safe. The difficult part is finding the right balance. Too little medication, and you are too high. Too much, and you feel foggy, exhausted, and unlike yourself. Stability lives in a narrow space, and finding it takes time, patience, humility, and the right support.

This is the story of my battle with postpartum acute-onset manic psychosis. I experienced it twice, once after each of my sons were born. While both episodes were serious, they unfolded very differently, and each taught me something profound about faith, surrender, and the courage it takes to ask for help.

Our First Son, newborn 

After the birth of my first son, everything unraveled quickly, and I experienced postpartum psychosis. What followed was nearly a year of trial and error. Finding the right medication took far too long. During that year, I cycled through medication changes, Emory Hospital stays, ECT treatments at Emory Hospital, and periods of deep despair. I was fighting for my life, even when I didn’t fully realize it. It affected not only me, but my husband, our baby, and everyone who loved us.

Eventually, a new doctor at Peachford Hospital made a decision that changed everything. He put me back on the medication I had been stable on before pregnancy. Within two days, I was myself again. The contrast was almost unbelievable. But the damage of that long year left lasting scars. I emerged from it believing—deeply—that our family was complete. I did not think I could survive going through that again.

For eight years, I believed that with certainty. Life slowly became peaceful again. Stability returned. And then, quietly and gently, God changed my heart. There was no dramatic moment. No loud declaration. Just a steady, unmistakable feeling from the Holy Spirit that if I walked this road again, I would not walk it alone. God never promised it wouldn’t happen again. He never promised it would be easy. But He promised He would help me get through it, again.

Our Second Son, 12 days old
Photo Credit: Taylor Haff Photography

When our second son was born, the illness returned quickly and fiercely. I did not sleep for the first fourteen days of his life. I was recovering from a C-section, in significant pain, and hesitant to take strong pain medication. The exhaustion fed the mania, and the mania fed the exhaustion. I could feel myself becoming unstable, and I knew I would not be able to get better on my own.

The turning point came unexpectedly. Our older son looked at me and said, “You’re getting manic.” Hearing it from him cut through everything. His words grounded me in reality. I knew there was a small window where I could still make a clear decision before my mind convinced me otherwise. I told my husband I needed to go to the hospital. He already knew that 3 days before I admitted it.

We had already hired a nighttime nanny to help care for the baby so both my husband and I could get sleep. She stayed with our boys while my husband drove me straight to the mental health facility. There was urgency, but there was also peace. We knew this was the right decision.

Our Second Son, 12 days old
Photo Credit: Taylor Haff Photography

Walking through those doors meant leaving my newborn. It meant leaving my older son and my husband. That separation was one of the hardest things I have ever endured. The grief of it sat heavily on my chest. But it was also one of the bravest choices I have ever made.

This time, I had better doctors. I was treated by the same doctor who helped stabilize me after my first son—someone I trusted deeply. I also had a new doctor who was highly experienced. Together, we followed a written plan we had prepared in advance. Instead of changing all my medications, they kept me on what I had been stable on before pregnancy and temporarily added additional medication to bring me down safely.

Emotionally, it was still incredibly difficult. While in the hospital, I wrestled with guilt and shame. I was angry with myself for being there again, knowing the risks. I felt as though I had somehow done this to myself. But even in that place, God met me with grace. He reminded me that seeking help is not failure. It is wisdom. It is obedience. It is an act of love—for myself, for my children, and for my husband.

The hospital was a safe place for me to heal. I was in a severe postpartum acute onset mania, and I would not have survived trying to manage it alone. God worked through doctors, medication, and structure to restore my mind.

Our Second Son, 1 year old
Photo credit: Taylor Haff Photography

Over the next five months, I slowly tapered off the extra medication. We did it carefully and intentionally, and I remained stable the entire time. Around that same season, we shut down an unsuccessful business. While difficult, it allowed me to stay home, focus fully on my health, and truly enjoy our new baby. At the same time, my husband began a new business venture with a partner—a fresh start that, over time, grew into something healthy and successful.

Looking back now, I see God’s faithfulness woven through every part of this story. James 1:12 says, “Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.” That verse carried me when I felt weak. It reminded me that endurance has purpose.

I also clung to the truth of Psalm 34:19: “The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all.” And Isaiah 41:10 became a quiet reassurance: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

God did not promise ease. But He promised presence. He promised help. And He kept His word.

Current picture with me & our sons, 11 years and 18 months
Photo Credit: Hayden Cate Photography

If you are struggling with mental illness, please hear this: asking for help is not a weakness. It is a strength. It is courage. It is faith in action. Healing is possible, and you do not have to walk this road alone.

If you need mental health care and are in Georgia, I recommend Peachford Hospital at 2151 Peachford Rd, Atlanta, GA 30338.

Nap Time Art

My artistic journey has spanned decades—with breaks in between—but right now, as a stay-at-home mom, I create during nap times, late at night, or when I’m blessed to have help with our baby.

Our 15-month-old has been such a joy and blessing to our family. If you’ve been following my blog over the years, you’ve also seen glimpses of my postpartum struggles. It’s something I’ve always been open about because pregnancy hormones can deeply affect mental health. (If you are struggling with postpartum issues, please seek out medical help!)

Before he was born, I spent over nine years helping my husband build a trucking company. But when the COVID pandemic hit, The Great Trucking Recession affected the entire industry—even Fortune 100 companies—and ours didn’t survive.

At the same time, I had just given birth to our second son. The timing was all part of God’s plan. No one thought I’d have another child—I had said after my first that I couldn’t do it again. But God changed my heart on a girl’s trip when the Holy Spirit revealed to me, “I will help you have another baby.”

My husband and I made a detailed plan with my doctors and backup options in place. It was still hard, but the Lord helped me through it. Everyone, including me, is so grateful that He gave us this little boy.

For years, we had prepared our older son to be an only child. When he was four, he asked for a sibling and never stopped hoping—but we didn’t think it was possible. Ten years later, God surprised us. Their bond today is unshakable.

To say it’s been an adjustment is an understatement. I went from running a business and raising an independent 11-year-old to starting all over again with a baby—at 40. I joke with my husband that he should know how much I love him, because here we are again, back in diapers!

As wonderful as motherhood is, I also needed something for me. Something that gave me a sense of purpose outside of wife, mom, daughter, and friend.

Art has always been a part of me. I’ve loved creating since I was little and even minored in Fine Arts at the University of Mississippi nearly 20 years ago. This past summer, I discovered not only do I love making art—I also love teaching it. A dear friend asked me to teach her children, and it lit a spark in me.

Around that time, I stumbled across pour painting. It’s fun, creative, and approachable—no brushes, sponges, or palette knives needed. Just special acrylic paints, a canvas, and gravity. The way the colors move and interact makes every piece unique and beautiful.

I started sharing my work on Instagram at @jensfunart, where I post time-lapse videos of my paintings. Before long, I was selling my art at farmers markets—rain or shine. And recently, through networking, I was given the opportunity to showcase my work in the Hickory Grove Furniture showroom!

Life has a way of coming full circle. What started as a little girl’s love of art has become a passion I can share with others, while also filling my own cup. Creating again brings me joy, purpose, and a reminder that God’s timing is always perfect.

I’m excited to see where this journey continues to take me.

Tips for the "First" when you have a "Second"

 

Our boys

When you have a second child, life changes for everyone, especially for your first child. The whole family dynamic shifts dramatically, and sometimes it can be harder for a child to express how they feel about it. They have their own thoughts, but there may 3be uncertainty, even while you're still pregnant.

Once the baby is born, it's important not to make everything about the baby. Show the first child that they are still important and validate their feelings during the transition. They may subconsciously seek ways to gain more attention while it seems like everyone is focused on the baby.

My husband and I make a conscious effort to spend one-on-one time with our older son. I love having moments with him where it's just the two of us, and my husband also enjoys one-on-one time with him. We also plan activities for the three of us to enjoy together. Additionally, both my husband and I have taken separate trips with our son, just the two of us each time.

After 10 years between them, no one but the Lord knew this would ever happen. As you may know from my other blog posts, I had incredibly difficult postpartum issues after our first son was born. For about eight years, I truly believed we would not have any more children. However, at the beginning of 2023, the Lord changed my heart, and we decided to try for a second child.

We started trying, and I got pregnant. Heartbreakingly, I had a miscarriage and lost our angel baby at around six weeks. We all mourned the loss of our angel baby, whom we named Taylor. In Taylor’s honor, we planted an oak tree in our front yard.

After that, we got pregnant again with our now 9-month-old baby boy. There was a sweet happiness when he was born. One of the best parts has been watching our two sons interact. Our older son loves his baby brother—holding him, playing with him, reading to him, and showing him off. They already share a very special bond.

Our older son is now 11 and is a huge help with his little brother. Some mornings on the weekend, when the baby wakes up, our older son gets him, and they hang out together. It’s so nice for me and my husband to be able to sleep in on mornings like that! He has wanted a sibling for as long as he can remember, so he is incredibly grateful for his baby brother. I feel so blessed to be staying home with them and not "missing" any moments.

When they first met after the birth of our second boy, my heart almost exploded with joy. They are both fiercely loved. It is important to reassure the first child that your love for them remains just as strong. We are forever grateful for our two boys, and I look forward to loving them equally—though in different stages—for eternity.

The AMC Theaters vs. Regal Cinemas’ Baby Wars

As with our 10-year-old when he was little, we take our almost 8-month-old everywhere. This includes the movie theaters. Our little one is quite the moviegoer so far. He has seen “Dog Man,” “Wicked for Good” on Christmas Eve, “Moana,” and “Mufasa.” They were excellent movies!

Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake after "Dog Man"

 He rocked them all! He doesn't cry in movies, but he usually takes a little nap and may get a little fussy. The trick with a baby in the movie is to have: a comfy blanket, a pacifier, a non-noisy toy, and their food. If you want your kid to be good when you're out and about, you have to take them with you from a young age.

Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake at "Mufasa"

We have had 2 very different experiences when it comes to changing our baby’s diaper at the movie theater:

I am blessed with a very involved husband and father to our 2 boys. He also changes diapers when we are out and about. During “Wicked for Good” on Christmas Eve at the AMC Theater, he took our son out of the movie to change his dirty diaper. Unbeknownst to me or him, at the AMC Theater off Riverstone Pkwy in Canton, they do not have changing tables in their men’s or women’s bathrooms. This doesn't make sense to us.

"Wicked for Good" at AMC Theaters, Riverstone

How can a large establishment that hosts thousands of people a day not have changing tables in their bathrooms?

The only option to change him was on the movie theater hallway’s unused concession stand counter. Luckily, we have a changing pad we can put down to change our baby, but it is so disappointing that this AMC Theater does not provide bathrooms for babies wearing diapers.

"Moana 2" in 3D at Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake

On the other hand, when we saw “Dog Man” at the Regal Cinemas Movie Theater in Woodstock and had a much better experience. Not only did they have changing tables in both the men’s & women's restroom, they had the changing table disposable pads to put down! This is a great extra benefit that most places don't provide. It was a nice place to change our baby’s diaper with dignity…

 

Bathroom Changing table pads at Regal Cinemas on Towne Lake

We also like this Regal Cinemas movie theater because they have big reclining seats that are comfortable. They also have matinée prices that are almost half off!

Well done, Regal Cinemas!

 AMC Theaters, please make some changes.

Starbucks Location’s Discrimination Against New Mothers

It was December 23rd, 2024, a Monday. This happened at the Starbucks in Kennesaw, Georgia off Barrett Parkway.  440 Ernest W Barrett Pkwy NW, Kennesaw, GA 30144

I have a 6-month-old baby boy, named Jed Kody. He is so precious, and I love him dearly. I have been running errands since 11:00 a.m.  I drove all the way down to downtown Atlanta, for my first errand and took our new son with me.  I was making my way back up to Kennesaw to finish some other errands before heading home to Canton, GA. I wanted to stop for a late lunch- for me and my boy.

I like Starbucks' sandwiches and coffee so I stopped at the one right there on Barrett Pkwy. Traffic is, of course, insane with all the people still doing their holiday shopping right next to Town Center Mall. I enjoyed my yummy seasonal iced coffee and grilled cheese and was feeding our new son. He really wanted my grilled cheese and kept reaching for it!!

We were having a relaxing moment when I realized I needed to change his diaper before I left for home.  I was about to leave and asked to use the restroom because it has a code on it. There was a man in line in front of me and both single occupant bathrooms were in use. I waited as the man in front of me also waited.

Before I continued to wait in line for the bathroom, I went to ask the employees if they had a changing table in the bathroom. Two of the baristas said they, "didn't know.” I went back to wait for a bathroom and one of the bathrooms was opening. I asked the man in front of me if he could see if there was a changing table before I continued to wait. (They have gender neutral bathrooms.) He informed me there wasn't a changing table in the bathroom.

I went back up to a different barista and I asked her, "do you know there's no changing table in the bathroom?" She said, "Yes I do. [Starbucks] did a small renovation of the store and they removed the changing tables when they were doing the renovations. So, now there is no changing table in the bathrooms. They didn't ask us for our input." 

I walked away very upset and started wondering what I was going to do. No changing table in the bathrooms?! It’s 2 days before Christmas and traffic is everywhere. I just wanted to get home.

I had two options:

1. Change my baby in the cold, outside, out of the back of my SUV or

2. Change him right there on the table where I was sitting.

I am outraged that these were the only choices I had to change my new little son at Starbucks. I feel discriminated against as a new mother and against my son. I feel unwelcome at that Starbucks because it has bathrooms for everyone except new babies… on purpose.

 

Dear Starbucks’ Corporate Management,

Why did you make the corporate, deliberate, calculated decision to take changing tables out of the gender-neutral bathrooms? Was it because you didn't want your staff to have to clean extra things in the bathrooms? Was it because you didn't want possibly the smell of a diapers? Why would you remove the only bathroom for children of new mothers? Things are hard enough! I personally had a very hard time after both of my boys were born. This time included. Of course, the option of changing our son on the bathroom floor was out of the question!!

I'm very disappointed it was a deliberate decision to take out changing tables from the Kennesaw, GA bathrooms that had changing tables before "the small renovation."

I hope you consider putting the changing tables back into the gender-neutral bathrooms so parents can have a place to change their little children. I do enjoy your drinks and food, but hope you think about how your corporate decisions affect REAL families.

Sincerely,

Jen B